EDIT: Thanks so much everyone. Great answers. This has been fun. Keep it going as long as you want!

DISCLAIMER: Silly Thought Exercise: NOT AN ENDORSEMENT OF REPLACING BIDEN. I personally do not think replacing Biden is a good idea at this stage in the election. I think that’s more dangerous than keeping him, sadly, but he’s who we’ve got. I’m just looking for shitposty thoughts on this question, please and thank you.


What-over-the-top absurd person would you choose to replace Biden who you think could actually body Trump, and why?

For an example, my choice would be based on the idea that the only thing that makes a bully like Trump wilt is a bigger bully. Secondly, US citizens love trash talking and sports and absolutely will vote for someone who is already famous, they certainly love their celebrities. Finally, what better sport for trash talk than basketball?

In that, my choice would be basketball legend Larry Bird. (he’s famously apolitical, so it’s hard to know if he would actually be politically aligned against Trump.)

…but, the thing is, Larry Bird is a masterclass trash talker.

And that is really what throws Trump off and throws him into obscene tantrums where his composure is lost and he comes off like a whining loser: when he’s been taken down a peg by someone else. Nothing sticks deeper in his craw. I don’t think he could handle Larry Bird’s level of shit-talk, Bird is like god-tier.

I can imagine Bird calling Trump out and saying he can smell his shit-filled diaper from across the auditorium, obviously Bird would describe more colorfully than I. The thing is, I can also see that absolutely throwing Trump into hysterics.

Also, at 67 Bird’s a fucking spring chicken compared to Biden or Trump.

So, I’m hoping for answers that are a bit silly, like this. Larry Bird is obviously not actually a good choice for this. I just like chuckling at the idea, because real life has gotten so absurd I need to hide in even deeper absurdity.


What’s your absurd Biden replacement? Please, I think we could use some laughs.

6 points

Elon Musk! It’s time for him to take over USA. Like he did with Twitter. Let that sink in!

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6 points

Twitter has died. That shitshow is called X now.

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2 points

eX-Twitter

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2 points

So now you do not chirp, you do xxx?

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17 points

I’m gonna keep deadnaming his company for as long as he keeps deadnaming his kid

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2 points

Amen.

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6 points

The United States of America is now known as X.

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2 points
*

Everyone will have to call it ‘the USA (now called X)’

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-3 points

What if Kanye West actually came through? He can’t be worse, right

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10 points

Something something Austrian painter.

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9 points

I believe you’ve actually found someone worse than Trump.

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-20 points

Andrew Tate

Hookers and Bugattis for everyone…

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26 points

We don’t need 2 nazis debating each other

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0 points

We already have that

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20 points

Dwayne Johnson is an incredible trash talker by the same logic and would own his candy ass

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7 points

I had thought about some folks in that wheelhouse, too. Sometimes I really wish Macho Man Randy Savage was still around.

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5 points

I don’t know why my first thought was John Cena

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2 points

Mustard or Mayo?

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7 points

Because Trump would never see him coming.

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2 points
*

Why not go straight for the Ultimate Warrior, get him in a debate with Trump, and make the host cry?

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5 points

Mr. T

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4 points

“I pity the fool who doesn’t vote for me!”

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10 points

Stone Cold Steve Austin.

WHAT?

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-16 points

Dr. Jordan Peterson.

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1 point

I do love the idea of seeing team trump trash talk Peterson because he isn’t a true believer anymore

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17 points

That tool is team Orange my dude.

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1 point
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