Just canāt shake the blues. No idea whatās wrong specifically, just a grey cloud hanging over me.
I think the isolation might be getting to me. I donāt normally speak to a friend more than once or so a fortnight.
Thatās a big part of work for me. I miss being around people. I feel alive when Iām around people. Iām getting by on the fumes of an oily rag so going out and doing stuff isnāt really possible.
Just gotta be patient.
/vent
I get it. Vast majority of my social interactions are through work. If it went away, Iād be lost, and I have been in the past. With the tenacity you appear to have, Iām sure it will be over soon and youāll be looking forward to your solo evenings and weekends with Gibson. Hang in there šŖ
I really relate to this. While Iām off work Iāve somehow turned into someone who goes to the gym everyday (I am so not a natural exerciser), and part of that is just the benefit of being around people. Iām only doing group classes so thereās a bit of a community feel. And Iām throwing myself into some existing volunteer stuff.
The cold weather is not helping.
Iām a card-carrying introvert, but prolonged isolation (and lack of purpose) will definitely bring round grey clouds that are hard to shift. Permanent WFH was really shit for me in that regard. I could feel myself sinking a bit before I got my current jobs too, the break was nice at the start but then I started getting a bit loopyā¦
Really crossing my fingers that something pans out for you very soon mate. Itās been a while š
Morning cuddles
This is an old throwback now: Does anyone remember me complaining about some āMatesā Who had kids and made some really distasteful āJokesā back when we were still struggling ourselves? Something about throwing their baby in the bin or something cause he was frustrating them? Well, got a bit of an update on them.
Drama
They are struggling. Hard. Her mental health is in the bin, and he is pushed for time having taken a job that seems him out of the house from 5am till 6 or 7 pm. Add another kid to the mix and its not going well. he made a joke about āNeeding more supportā. I laughed cause we also donāt have family around us. But I think it was kind of a hint and I justā¦ fucking no chance. I didnāt say anything, but there is NO way weāre stepping into that mess.
Almost everything thatās going wrong was visible from a mile away before they made the decision. Her mental health is crap cause her family fucking suck, but she does running back to them every time. They threw a dog and another baby on top of the first one who I think has some development issues. The whole thing is a mess and i know it sounds cruel, but thereās no way to help them without them trying to suck you into the vortex of their drama. Iāve made that mistake 2 or 3 times before, Iām not making it a 4th time. If you could just drop off a meal or babysit for a bit to help without hearing how horrible everything is and leaving feeling worse for having done a nice thingā¦
I feel sorry for them, but at what point do you go āYouāve kind of shot yourself in the foot there, can you please not bleed on my kitchen floor?ā
It starts off a couple of hours of babysitting, ends up the whole day because of unforeseeable circumstances. I know a couple who drop their kid off at the in-laws for 4 hours so they can do the āshoppingā. Shopping right, yeah sure.
from what I understand getting her out of the house would be an achievement. But man Iād happily take the kids if it meant they could clean the house or something! Iām not one for judging, iāve got a toddler I know its hard and our place is frequently a mess too. But theirs looks like the start of a hoarders episode. Trouble is their kid doesnt listen to them, so theres no chance Iām looking after a kid that cant/wont listen to me.
Thatās incredibly sad. I hope she gets the help she needs because thatās no way to live.
Trouble is their kid doesnt listen to them
oh god, thatās because the kid is hearing disrespectful talk and seeing disrespectful behaviour between his parents . š
personally I wouldnāt mind whinging, itās just a coping mechanism
itās when they are also abusive to me or are angry when offered assistance that i nope out, iow, is it real or is it a game, is it tragedy or a personality disorder
the woman sounds isolated and in need of an ear, would benefit from joining a momās group
She sort of expects you to get involved with their shit like bitching about him to you or whatever as if she expects you to fix it? And at first you kind of understand, we all do it to a lesser degree. But after the 8th time of hearing how horrible a situation is that has a really obvious (if uncomfortable) solution it gets tedious as fuck! Yes, life is hard sometimes, but if you never make an effort to fix things it wont get better. A great example is the dog. Sheāll go āOh the dog is so hard to manageā āhave you taken him to training yet?ā āNo, not yet, Iāve just been sooo busy with Xā Rightā¦ its been 2 years bro. At at certain point this is YOUR fault.
Agreed they need a support network, just dont think we can be it for them.
Not all effort is visible. The biggest effort a person makes is getting to the psychological position where they are able to understand what is happening , understand themselves and start to look for ways to make change.
If they get angry when they are offered help or helped then itās a game and then I would outright stop. If they are abusive then I would stop.
Does seem that theyāre setting themselves up to fail - and each to have enough material to put the blame on the other. Shit show coming up, so I would suggest distancing yourself - you have enough to cope with with your own responsibilities. They need professional help (and sounds like both need a good kick up the backside too).
Thereās a reason why airlines stress that you should put on your own oxygen mask BEFORE putting them on your kids.
Good grief. And here I am, early thirties, stressed Iām falling behind.
Donāt burn yourself to keep others warm. They both need help, but they need to ask the right orgs. The most I would do is point them towards Ask Izzy if theyāre struggling financially.
Honestly reckon they just need an adult to come in and go āRight, you do X, You do Y! No not tomorrow, right fucking now!ā But good point on burning yourself to keep others warm. Weāre managing ok where we are right now, but if weāre being honest having a toddler is tough some days! Rewarding, dont get me wrong! But tough. Weāre all running our own race.
It gets to a point when people need to face consequences of their actions and decisions.
You can empathize with them without putting yourself out there to help.
There is plenty on your plate to deal with, without the additional complexity of someoneās problems.
A diplomatic answer is āIām sorry thatās the situation youāre in, but we currently donāt have the time and capacity to helpā. If this person persists and keeps asking āwhy notā, maybe stop talking to them. āNoā is a complete sentence.
i think Iām just gonna take some space from them tbh. The mental load of just being with them and seeing the struggle was a lot. Came home and joked with the mrs āI know weāve got our hands full some times, but maaaan that really puts things in perspectiveā.
As we get older, we realise that not everyone is a positive addition to your life. Obligations to friends (and family) diminish as you start looking out for yourself and your family.
Hereās the dinner report after the husbandās folks came for dinner.
So it mostly went to plan. After dinner and I had cleaned up I sat down to do some needle work but bro was bored and heād been very sick, just came out of hospital, so I took pity on him. After he insulted me just a little and I pushed back a little I asked him if he reads audiobooks, as that may be an easy way for him to do an interesting activity. He said they always send him to sleep. My radar immediately pinged real loud, Iām always on the alert for when he or others talk about their experience in cults. I went on to explain that the books he was listening to were designed to relax him and even send to him sleep. I explained how the tapes were relaxing, why the makers of the tapes did that and how those books differ to regular audio recordings of regular novels and nonfiction books. I never once used a value judgement or trigger word. I never mentioned the cult nor any people in the cult, I kept it fact based and impersonal. He listened with interest and very intently.
Iām a very good cult deprogrammer.
Dinner report part 2.
As I wrote below bro has been in hospital and he really is poorly, no denying that, even hypochondriacs get sick. Husbandās mother was there, sheās elderly now, and she was complaining she was so tired from visiting bro in hospital everyday. Itās a 45 min drive there .
I got š and reminded her the doctors told her to only visit every second day. She was so angry that she couldnāt play victim. I do not care, I donāt think the others did either.
She asked if she could take food home, I gave her the scrapings off her own plate and put them in an old washed take away container. She didnāt get a carry bag either. She doesnāt get meals to take home anymore , not after her slanderous games.
I just do. not. care.
