Tldr: my wife and I get into verbal fights quite often (once a month or so) I get over it in an hour and it takes her days. Both of us think that the other’s timeline isn’t normal. What’s typical/normal?
I’m ADHD (my current therapist thinks it’s AuDHD) so I’m prone to emotional deregulation and pretty crazy mood swings. I’m pretty sure my parents are somehow ND as well so I don’t have the best basis. My wife is also ND, but it’s audio processing not emotionally related
My wife and I get into fights and arguments sometimes over petty stuff. I feel I hear her out but it’s difficult for her to listen to me straight through as I tend to take a while to get to my point. She interrupts me a lot with either snide comments or questions that if she just waited a sec I’d answer. This leads me to getting frustrated and raising my voice and yelling, which gets her pissed off and raises her voice and suddenly we’re in a shouting match.
Eventually one of us gives up or realizes they’re wrong and we end the fight and go to our separate (safe) areas.
After about an hour I feel I’m back to normal and can talk about other things. (We usually have something we need to do with our kids or work or the house that we need to communicate on).
My wife feels it takes her a day or two to come down from a fight so shes very short with me until that time, where I feel I can talk after an hour or so… She feels that it’s not normal to change in that short of time.
What do people think?
Forget about what’s normal for getting over a fight. You know what’s not normal? Getting into a screaming match with your partner every month.
I really can’t stress enough, that’s not ok. Not a healthy relationship, not a safe environment for your children, and not a good example for them to follow in the future.
You need couple’s counselling ASAP because this pattern has to stop.
It really depends on the specifics of the fight and the person (neurotypical or not). Perhaps some couple counselling with a professional would be helpful to understand each other better?
I’m ADHD, and a fight will ruin my day. I mean it will literally prevent me from accomplishing ANYTHING besides mindless tasks.
A few hours afterwards I’m often found staring into space reflecting on who said what, what I should say/do if it comes up again, and how it will affect tomorrow or the day after that. For bigger issues, the reflection will gradually reduce over the next few days.
I don’t believe there’s a consistent difference between ND and NT. Everybody’s handling conflicts differently.
Short answer: it depends on the person and situation.
Long answer: it depends on the person and situation.
