Tom Crooks, welcome to the BRICs resistance.

45 points

Quick, a national event we can capitalize on, publish the Iran hit piece! Don’t forget to change out all the placeholders!

permalink
report
reply

fr, this is textbook limited hangout

permalink
report
parent
reply
33 points

Did the secret service force everyone to toss their garbage on the ground, or is it just customary in that part of the country?

permalink
report
reply
29 points

getting maybe shot because of fascist infighting at your fascist rally is still no excuse for littering

permalink
report
parent
reply
18 points

this but unironically, I’d def be clutching my trash until death

permalink
report
parent
reply
11 points

FBI shows up a few days afterwards. Loud pounding on your door. “OPEN UP!” poundpoundpound “FBI, OPEN UP!”

You open the door, slightly pissed at the hinge rattling pounding

“Yeah? Wha-”

The most Agent Smith, clean shaven, shiny faced man ever shoves a beer can and dirt-covered, dried up cup of what appears to have been fries with ketchup at your face.

“Sir! Shut the fuck up. Protip, asswipe- your day just got fucked. We might be the FB-fucking-I, we might occasionally assassinate popular political figures and frame Muslim kids on bullshit charges, but one thing we absolutely do not fuck around with is people who have no respect for public places!”

“I… wha-!”

“I said shut the fuck up once already. Put your fucking- you turn your ass around right now, hands behind your back

You start turning and are standing in the doorway while his partner cuffs you.

Agent Smith sweeps the inside of your apartment quickly with his eyes.

“I hate scum like yo- what. What the fuck is that? Why… Jesus Christ, man! Why do you have wrappers and pizza boxes strewn about your living space?! Are you a fucking animal!?”

“N-no, I just live alone an-and-”

"Mother of Mary, mother of our Lord…is… are you mixing your recyclables with the regular trash???

You know what?! he looks around, feigning fright “HELP I NEED BACKUP! HE’S RESISTI- THE SUSPECT JUST REACHED FOR MY GUN!” You saw that, right?"

“Sure did, sir.”

“Wh-what the-”

poppop


And that’s why you don’t litter.

permalink
report
parent
reply

GENE PARMESAN!!!

permalink
report
parent
reply
8 points

Would’ve done it regardless. Chuds love to litter. They like to kill the environment and they like the idea of a poor person having to clean up after them.

permalink
report
parent
reply
31 points

And yet they still let him get shot?

permalink
report
reply

To be fair, it was really hot on that day and they were hungover so no one was really on their A-Game.

permalink
report
parent
reply
32 points

hungover

Ah, so it was Havana Syndrome

permalink
report
parent
reply
24 points

Yeah, havana couple beers.

permalink
report
parent
reply
6 points

Ah, the JFK Special.

permalink
report
parent
reply
26 points

My Big Wet President 2: Soleimani’s Revenge

coming to a rally near you this summer

permalink
report
reply

You come for my president you best not miss

permalink
report
parent
reply
17 points

“I’m putting a team together. We have the best heroes, don’t we folks?”

permalink
report
parent
reply
21 points

The Iranians had to choose between Trump, Spiderman, and Spongebob

permalink
report
reply

news

!news@hexbear.net

Create post

Welcome to c/news! Please read the Hexbear Code of Conduct and remember… we’re all comrades here.

Rules:

-- PLEASE KEEP POST TITLES INFORMATIVE --

-- Overly editorialized titles, particularly if they link to opinion pieces, may get your post removed. --

-- All posts must include a link to their source. Screenshots are fine IF you include the link in the post body. --

-- If you are citing a twitter post as news please include not just the twitter.com in your links but also nitter.net (or another Nitter instance). There is also a Firefox extension that can redirect Twitter links to a Nitter instance: https://addons.mozilla.org/en-US/firefox/addon/libredirect/ or archive them as you would any other reactionary source using e.g. https://archive.today . Twitter screenshots still need to be sourced or they will be removed --

-- Mass tagging comm moderators across multiple posts like a broken markov chain bot will result in a comm ban--

-- Repeated consecutive posting of reactionary sources, fake news, misleading / outdated news, false alarms over ghoul deaths, and/or shitposts will result in a comm ban.--

-- Neglecting to use content warnings or NSFW when dealing with disturbing content will be removed until in compliance. Users who are consecutively reported due to failing to use content warnings or NSFW tags when commenting on or posting disturbing content will result in the user being banned. --

-- Using April 1st as an excuse to post fake headlines, like the resurrection of Kissinger while he is still fortunately dead, will result in the poster being thrown in the gamer gulag and be sentenced to play and beat trashy mobile games like 'Raid: Shadow Legends' in order to be rehabilitated back into general society. --

Community stats

  • 2.3K

    Monthly active users

  • 4.9K

    Posts

  • 139K

    Comments