I’m so proud of you…

“You want to be a whiny loser?”

I’d tell him he got his mother’s penis

Your half Australian, so you are already half way to being a criminal. The rest is up to you mate.

I would first tell him that I think he’s already better than that guy in many ways. Because I would always be there for my kids, I could explain the value of being a balanced, strong person while avoiding becoming a megalomaniacal chauvenist. The end.