I don’t put effort into not being single

Because relationships takes works and I realized that I am happier putting that work into me instead.

Haven’t dated since my 20s. Got cheated on a lot. Like all of them. Some of them even bragged about cheating, to my face.

In my 30s, I put 0 effort into dating. The only type of women that wanted to ‘date’ me basically wanted me to take care of their kids, pay for shit, but they weren’t looking for anything serious or any more kids (spoiler, that was a lie). Last person, someone I’ve known for years, asked if I’d be interested in having kids with her since we are getting close to 40 and neither of us had started a family yet. But, I was to be just a sperm donor, obviously be financially responsible, but have no say in anything with the kids… But it was totally going to be 50/50! Turned her away. That one tore me up because I’ve really wanted to have kids for a long time. Painfully obvious she just wanted me involved for money and nothing else. Now her mom is bank rolling all her dreams.

I miss having someone to talk to, to make plans with, to share wonderful build a life with. But I don’t miss the drama, the games, the cheating, and the lies.

I am single by choice because I am going through mental health relapse. That’s never a good time to have a relationship, as much as I would like to have one. For the time being, I realize that the single life is easier and makes the most amount of sense.

My social skills are probably near null, I avoid interaction and just say just the bare minimum of words. And I get talkative then all I speak is about tech, science or history. Edit: And I’m actually fine as single.