Mostly asking for other people on the spectrum, but allistics are free to comment also.
Mostly separating them in smaller tasks that I can see as making progress.
That’s the only thing that helps me with them
I seem to like tasks to be finished, because if a task is finished, then I don’t have to do it. Once I start doing something, I find myself motivated enough to get to the end of it and put it behind me.
It’s the starting a task part that I have trouble with. Sometimes I’m able to start something by brute force of will, and just doing “the very first thing” without thinking about anything that comes after. “I’m just going to do the thing that starts this task,” and once I’m in the task, it’s not nearly as hard for me to work through all its steps and make it finished, and by extension, gone.
Once I start doing something, I find myself motivated enough to get to the end of it and put it behind me.
It’s the starting a task part that I have trouble with.
I have so much trouble starting that if I do get rolling, I have to finish. Otherwise, I may not start again for a good long while, if ever. Which of course adds to the stress.
On the other end of that, I find very little satisfaction in “finishing” anything. The specter of the other things yet undone is always right there, ready to pounce the moment I try to rest.
It’s an exhausting dance.
This can be dangerous, but sometimes I will force myself to stop short of reaching a good stopping point. Like, say you have to put up panelling, and 5 sections will cover a wall. Put up 4 panels and stop for the day. That 5th panel not being in place will drive you mad until you dive back into the project.
This will sometimes backfire, and I do have years-old half-finished projects that I’ve wandered away from
This will sometimes backfire, and I do have years-old half-finished projects that I’ve wandered away from
Hard relate. I started refurbing my bath fixtures two months ago. Weather sealing aging siding, 7 months ago. Replacing gutter guards, a year ago. Refinishing closets, 5 years ago.
I’m a mess.
Routine. I do the same thing at the same time each day with special days where I do the more rare tasks that aren’t daily. It’s great for executive dysfunction because I don’t even have to think about it, when it’s that time I do that thing. It took a while to get here and of course there are bad times where I’m off my routine, but I started slow doing a little bit each day and built to this. It’s crazy to see where I’m at with a lot of difficult tasks vs. where I started and that progress only helps to reinforce the routine.
I am a bit jealous of your ability to build it up like that. Happy for you, but frustrated for myself. The ADHD parts of my brain scream bloody murder any time a routine starts to set in. It’s like, I know I need some sort of structure. But even for things I want to do, the internal pushback against Time To Do The Thing is almost primal. It’s a pain in the ass, and it’s only gotten worse with age (and trauma). The executive dysfunction is all knotted up with the anxiety, depression, stress, OCD tendencies, and unresolved trauma, woven through with recently-diagnosed autism that’s been there my whole life (yay hindsight) and a rigid mask that I built myself around since childhood. Trying to tease out a dangling thread just pulls the whole knot tighter.
Sorry to hear about that it sounds very hard.
It definitely wasn’t as easy as it might have sounded and I was very lucky to have been given a second chance where I was able to focus on these things.
But one of the biggest lessons I have learned along the way is that those people who say give it 100% are not for me. The only way I can get anywhere is to give it 5-10% today and then just keep trying to do 5-10% everyday. Eventually that 5-10% becomes 20, 30, etc. until I get in a nice rhythm whereas if I started by pushing myself to 100% on day one I would never do anything on day two. Not trying to say it’s what’s right for everyone or that it would work for you, but I wish you the best, it’s a hard path.
But one of the biggest lessons I have learned along the way is that those people who say give it 100% are not for me.
A thousand times this. I’ve been in group therapy most of this year. A lot of faces have come and gone. I’ve gotten so tired of hearing variations on the above (along with the usual suggestions of task chunking, do X for Y minutes then break/reward, etc). But I’ve also learned how to handle it better. I assume good faith on their part and do what I can to explain my experience. Not everyone is going to get it, and to them I usually say “I hope you never understand.” But there’s almost always someone else nodding along… it’s nice to not feel alone, but at the same time I feel awful that they know the nightmare.
I’m happy you got that second chance. We all need a mulligan sometimes. But so often it’s not an option. Society is all round holes, and has little patience for the square pegs. I somehow made it work for 40 some odd years, but it took its toll.
And thank you for the kind words. Best to you as well. 🍻
Methylphenidate.
Tons of caffeine. If I have energy I have motivation, fake energy works like real energy.
