I keep seeing men online (Reddit, Instagram, TikTok) saying how they don’t know personal details about their male friends of several years. It is mostly said in a proud context, or in disbelief when a woman talks about it.
I’m talking about knowing someone for years and not knowing what they do for work specifically, their relationship status/major issues, their life goals, their family situation, birthdays, and stuff like that.
For context, I am a man in my 20s. I have a close friend group of around 10 people. We all know each other very well. We have a group chat, and meet at least once a week (obviously some people can’t always make it). We know a lot of details about each other, so this idea of being close friends with someone and not knowing personal stuff about each other seems foreign and weird to me.
Does it actually happen, or just internet hyperbole?
I cannot say I know much about him anymore since I haven’t seen him since highschool. No idea what he’s doing or anything of the sort and in a way it’s kinda sad. I don’t even know if I can reconnect with him and if it would even work out between us.
You guys have friends?
I stood up in my best friend’s wedding, and he took the photos at mine. I went in and covered for him when his wife started labor for their first child. I bailed him out of jail when we had a particularly wild night of drinking. We often have the same or very similar daily driver vehicles. I wrote him letters and post cards nearly every day when he was in basic training, and they were such a hit with his group, he asked me to write them all a letter. I’ve known him 18 years, could not with confidence tell you his age.
I know my friends well and give them hugs and kiss them on the cheek when I see them.
Is an outsider perspective allowed? I have 2 older brothers close in age. My oldest brother has very superficial relationships with his “friends”. In German, he would call these types of people “Bekannte” or “Leute mit denen ich rausgehe” (people I hang out with).
He is in general quite closed up and I can remember that he had a sharp change of heart when he was about 16. For a reason that he won’t disclose. When you ask him about anything that would need any type of reflection on his part it’s typically “I don’t know” and “Why do you ask?”. His friends are similar and when someone tries to talk about something more personal you can feel the awkwardness and it’s usually shortly discussed then brushed aside with a joke to change topics.
My other brother has actual friends. They buy each other gifts for their birthdays, call each other when something happened and they need advice or vent. Just “normal” stuff from my perspective.
Interesting things I’ve seen over the decades I studied them: In oldest brothers people-group the wives and girlfriends don’t really mix with their husbands/boyfriends. They mostly meet separately.
My older brother is much more irritated when my other brother asks him about personal stuff than when I do it.
I don’t think he talks with anyone about how he’s feeling, apart from his nervous breakdown each year on Christmas.
