Is there anyone here who is a woman who has experienced this?
Because I’ve noticed, between my husband and I who both have shown symptoms of ADHD, that I’m better able to modulate my tone of voice and have better interpersonal interactions at work, and he has had similar issues to another commenter when speaking to people at work- because he’s technically correct, he doesn’t get in trouble, but he still stirs the pot in ways that make people less willing to work with him because of the tone of condescension he takes on, without him seeming to realize it. My theory is that this is a learned/untrained behavior and is something many women are typically forced to learn to adapt and fix early on.
I think this is just people being different and having different expectations of what an exchange should be like. I find myself in this situation pretty often
That would make every boomer dad nd
Is this a symptom of autism? I do this a lot without knowing.
Not technically, but it could be a pattern that is indicative of autism. If you’re interested in assessing yourself, here are a bunch of online tests that could give more clarity. However, no online test is sufficiently valid enough to diagnose autism. You need a thorough assessment by an autism specialist that uses a standardized scale such as the Autism Diagnostic Observation Scale-2 (ADOS-2) which takes hours and maybe even multiple visits.
Self diagnosis is valid as well as long as you don’t need accommodations at work/school.
Most people at my workplace actually appreciate the my thorough explanations. I did have an issue crop up with one of the juniors on my team though. He talked to my boss about it who then talked to me without naming me, but I explained the situation to my boss who presumably relayed it to the junior, and I eventually figured out it was him and was able to adjust accordingly.
The issue was that since I really was more technical advanced than him, thus my higher role, my tendency to explain issues so thoroughly including context he saw as obvious was leading him to believe I was intentionally patronizing him and mocking his inexperience.
At this stage I think it’s smoothed over, simply with us settling on a mutual understanding. I take extra care to minimise info dumping and he keeps in mind that I’m not intentionally trying to insult his intelligence when I inevitably fail.
This kind of thing is why I rarely offer any advice or correction at work anymore unless it’s a safety issue. If you stop someone from doing something dumb and wasteful before it happens, you’re the asshole. Once they’ve screwed up all on their own, they’re much more receptive to some patiently explained lesson based in experience, as long as you’re kind and delicate. It can be hard to step back and not get immediately involved, especially when I know I’m going to have to deal with the fallout. I’m happy to drop everything and help anyone that asks, but they always get the introductory “Forgive me if I (because I probably will) tell you something obvious that you already know.” Now I’m not the know-it-all asshole people are afraid to cross, I’m the laid back know-it-all that gets excited when people come to me with questions.
It is a constant struggle though.
It also involves waiting and really listening when people talk tangentially about something you have some weird interest in. The whole “me too! Let me add…” attitude is more often seen as mansplaining or one-upsmanship than sharing excitement. People don’t usually that care what things you know unless they explicitly ask.
That’s actually a really good tip! I still get criticised all the time for apparently trying to one-up everyone else and hog all the attention, and I’ve never been able to figure out how to prevent it. Maybe I need to point more focus into how I’m expressing a shared interest in something, because I definitely go to a “me too! Let me add…” approach by default.