do any neurodivergence havers also have the issue of trying to balk for like a good few turns from a conversation where you tried to bring up a point or suggest an alternative to something but you misread the room and it turns into what I can only perceive as the other person taking what you thought was an off-hand idea that you have no real attachment to and turning it into their own personal mission to, I honestly can’t tell why so I’ll just say how it looks to me, submit to their way of thinking? Maybe they want to change my perspective? Maybe they want to win in the marketplace of ideas?
Anyways, then you’re like stuck in a dialogue loop where you keep saying “I literally have zero real attachment to this idea and I brought it up for the sake of conversation” and they scold me for deigning to bring the other idea up and we will not stop talking about this until I physically exit the room or grovel at their feet in tears begging for forgiveness for my dastardly nonsequitur? Or something else that I genuinely don’t understand? Am I missing something? It feels like a dominance routine from my perspective and it’s happened to me enough times that I think I’m just misunderstanding something?
I thought it was a neurosis I picked up from my conflict-avoidant behaviors but my sister is more confrontational than me and she also has this issue sometimes so I’m wondering if it’s an ADHD thing. Had a convo yesterday with a friend of mine that was like this and I genuinely felt like shit afterwards, it’s one of the instances where I genuinely don’t know how to amicably resolve it, I’m trying to be pliant and flexible here, please let me exit this conversation naturally I don’t want to make this an issue I am trying to communicate that please let me leave please please please
This has happened to me dozens of times and every time it feels like the realization of a nightmare. I’m so genuinely actually sorry for attempting to help you by wantonly-suggesting alternative perspectives to cover what I perceive to be unnoticed angles in what you are saying hoping that maybe it could be rolled into a consensus point that might be helpful, I didn’t think this was a venting/rhetorical discussion, If it was I missed those cues, it will not happen again to you now that I know you do not gel with it, I’m sorry, I’m Harrier DuBois the sorry cop, this is my sorry song, please dismiss me from this conversation so I don’t have to literally walk away, I don’t want to leave lingering resentment for something I genuinely thought was innocuous
It’s infuriating. I casually mentioned in a conversation that Windows 7 was the best Windows had ever been, and I kicked myself immediately because I was talking to a coder and they cannot resist turning every mention of Windows into a long-winded rant on the virtues of linux, and how dare I like the easy thing that just worked for normies.
It’s the same rant they give you if you don’t stan Vim. I hate it so much.
Anyway, last time someone did this to me, I flew off the handle and got personal with my insults
It’s infuriating. I casually mentioned in a conversation that Windows 7 was the best Windows had ever been, and I kicked myself immediately because I was talking to a coder and they cannot resist turning every mention of Windows into a long-winded rant on the virtues of linux,
Me getting into a long-winded rant about the virtues of Windows 2000 and how every Windows NT version since then is terrible in comparison.
how dare I like the easy thing that just worked for normies.
In fairness, Win8 was just about the last version that did do easy things and work for normies. Even that was bloat and spyware ridden. But it’s become exhausting to fumble for the hidden setting that turns off the wall of ads in my start menu every time my company pushes a patch that resets my startup settings. Nevermind Microsoft’s decade long crusade to fully obscure the file directory.
oh jfc, relate to this so much
like, I thought you wanted to talk about “how the fuck could they possibly do that,” not that I would ever possibly do that and am trying to justify it
isn’t this the conversation you started mf’er, why are we here rn 😖
“Wow you make a lot of interesting points, I’ll have to think about that” is my go-to escape hatch.
Repeatedly demurring to respond, because anything else they say is just too confusing, is another approach.
My mom loves to swerve the conversation in a completely different direction, to try and deflect the conversation to another subject. I just remember her opening on “Why aren’t you voting for Biden?”, getting a response she didn’t like, probing a bit further, balking, and then producing a book of baby pictures I swear to God from thin air to talk about how cute I was when I was younger. I think the transition was “The 1980s? I remember when you were just a little boy back then!” and then insisting we talk about a road trip from when I was 4.
Love how relatable this is to so many people here. I just say ‘sure’ and try to move on because I don’t care but sometimes people really can’t let it go for some reason.
In this case I think the problem is less you being able to read social cues and more the other persons issue. I usually am able to defuse it with a couple of “that’s crazy” or “never thought of it like that” so they shut up about it if they get too into it. It is also how I get through most conversations with coworkers who are deep down a conspiracy hole.
Examples of topics this has become a “deal” for while not mattering at all: Sex club hygiene, web browsers, cars, ski brands, rub on tattoos, cellphones, weed, shrooms, acid, synth music, metal music and sewing.
