Our 2-year-old calls for me (dad) for almost everything. Nightmare in the night? Dad. Need to put on shoes? Dad? Need to be picked up? Dad. Mom tries to do something? No, dad!
I don’t mind this. And I know the phase will end, and I will miss it.
But it seems to be really hurting my wife. I think she also knows, deep down, that it’s just a phase and that it’s nothing she is doing wrong. But I can see in her eyes that she feels that our daughter loves her less than she loves me.
Any advice? Neither one of us wants to force our daughter to show affection to anyone. But any ideas how to make mom feel more included/wanted?
I have two sets of twins and we go through this sort of thing a lot. For us, I have found that modeling works well. When my daughters come to me for help I will say, “Hey, Mama is really good at this. Let’s ask her for help” or I will go to her in front of them and openly ask for help. This often times will accomplish spreading the affection around. I think you are right about phases though. Time will fix this sort of stuff without any intervention though.
Don’t comply with your daughter’s wishes every time, and especially times when your wife is already helping your daughter. You also want to avoid setting a precedent that your daughter always gets her way. Lots of reaffirming/reassuring statements to your wife will probably help. Best of luck!
Went though this with my kid, as with all parenting you have to set the example and act in the way you want your kid to behave. Always show affection and support for your wife, talk about how great mom is to your kid when moms not around. My kid would scream that she hated me and that she only wanted her mom, it did hurt, and required a lot of patience. Now we have a great relationship; my patience was rewarded.
We had a version of this, but with roles reversed. A friend suggested that we choose some part of the routine that I always do. So, I started doing bedtime each night. It was hard for a while, because our daughter complained that she wanted mom (for everything). But we suffered through the complaining for a while, and eventually it became a great time for the two of us. It’s turned into a good foundation for our relationship.
I’m in the same boat. When she was a baby she would only sleep for me, when she was a toddler she would always come to me, and as a child she only listens to me. My wife is the most amazing person to walk this earth, and I wish my kid didn’t ignore her.
