Sending this from work where I was looking at a coworker while talking and walked full-speed into the edge of a table
My leg hurt and it’s got a hella bruise going now
My wife yawned and dislocated her jaw. She had to go to hospital to get it fixed. Oh, the drooling…
I pull a muscle in my jaw once every few months when I yawn. Always funny when it happens in front of someone as I can’t tell them what’s happening so they think I’m dying.
Fell up the stairs. Had to visit a hospital, got a splint.
Wouldn’t say it was stupid in that it was the result of me doing anything stupid, but it definitely felt pretty stupid when I managed to get myself a 4 inch splinter from a wooden guardrail fully embedded in my leg in a hospital parking lot of all places. The best part was, because I was just a kid, and the hospital didn’t treat children, we had to drive to an entirely different hospital because of it.
What I’m about to tell you is the absolute true, I swear on my mom.
I was 13 and had just started being kinky and stuff. I had some porn DVDs, inherited from my father, after him and my mother broke up and I went to live with her.
Anyway, I was just discovering my body, and was home alone when I had the brilliant idea to ride my sofa arm, completely naked. I started simulating as if I was fucking it from above. One, two, three pumps and then boom. Something hurt.
I looked at my dick and it was bleeding a lot. Blood spilling on the ground immediately and I fucking freaked out. I was certain I would have to amputate, or at the very least be very ashamed at the hospital explaining how the fuck that happened.
I turned it around to look when I calmed down a bit and I had ripped my frenulum. It was wide open, the frenulum itself hanging and the part it was removed completely red, bloody, I could see inside.
I tried to cry, but couldn’t, I just had to solve it, and could tell nobody about it, which would probably be worse, I thought. I put some toilet paper and it eventually stopped bleeding and wasn’t hurting that much anymore.
Took a shower, it burned as I did it, put my underwear and went on to leave to school. As I was leaving my house, my mom is arriving. I had to tell her, I was worried something bad could happen. Told her “I cut my dick”. She asked, freaked out “WHAT? HOW? WHAT HAPPENED? DOES IT HURT?”. I shook it off, said it was okay now, but I was scared, she asked me to see it, I showed her, she said wtf, let’s go to the hospital, I said no, it doesn’t hurt anymore. I’ll go to school. She asked “how did that happen?” And I could only come up with “I was playing horse rider on the sofa but did it too quickly”. I doubt she believed that shit, but I carried on.
She kept asking me for days how it was, and it just kept healing. In the end, it healed completely, and glued back to the skin. It has a scar, but it probably just looks like a normal, uninjured frenulum, and I don’t really think had any bad consequences outside of showing my dick to my mom as a teenager.
🤣🤣🤣🤣
Shotgunning beers down at a friend’s house, with a big ol hunting knife, like 8" long, real rambo thing.
Started getting really drunk, as one does. So I was getting a bit cocky, as one does.
Did a few cans with just a quick stab and twist, showing off like.
Soooooo…I stabbed myself in the hand pretty bad. Should have got stitches, but, as previously stated, drunk and cocky.
