I have this friend, N, that has recently started believing things very out of the ordinary. He said that he’s been getting into paganism and studying runes and candles. I told him that was very interesting, it sounded like a fun time and a good hobby to have. N let me know that it wasn’t just a hobby, but that it had a function and purpose, a sort of witchcraft.
I come from an academic background; it doesn’t seem healthy to me to actually believe and try to practice witchcraft, not because it might be real, but because of the mental health associations with it. So I told my concerns to N but he brushed them off, saying that people have the right to believe in what they want. I respect that, but I do not want N to fall into delusion. I let him know, as respectful as I could, that believing in witchcraft does not make it real and that it wasn’t healthy to believe otherwise. He got really bothered when I told him he should talk to his therapist about this stuff. N has a history of mental health issues and was in a deeply abusive relationship for a few years which cause him a lot of grief. I was accused of being rude and trying to impose my beliefs. His last message to me was him asking me to stop and that anyone has a right to believe what they want.
I cherish N a lot as a friend, I do not wish them any harm. I respect that anyone has a right to believe what they want, but I really don’t think this is healthy for my friend. Is there any way I can help him? Is the best way forward to just stop and let him be?
It’s great you are looking out for your friend’s well-being, at the same time unless they are causing harm to themself or others I think it can come across as insensitive to try and tell them their spiritual beliefs are “wrong” even if they seem new or unusual. Would you stop a friend from praying even if they think that it’s a literal attempt to get a higher power to intervene on their behalf? Is casting a spell really that much different?
I believe in science, I also practice witchcraft. Do I think anything I’m gonna make is going to help me? I mean, yeah due to legit science. But I also know when to go to a real doctor. Do I think runes and tarot cards can tell me the future? Not necessarily but I view it as more of a, it’s already in my head it’s just helping me spell it out type of thing.
I have no idea your age but, a lot of people dabble in witchcraft in their teens and early 20s and never come back to it. If I did my math right I’ve been practicing for 16 years. I’ve never used it as an excuse to not get mental health help, I’ve never used it as an excuse to not go to a doctor, and I’ve never forced my beliefs on others (which is more than some people in some religions can say).
I’m not saying your friend won’t use religion as an excuse to not do normal things but, I think you should take some time to look at things from another perspective. It’s really not much different than those who believe in an all powerful sky daddy. Not only that but, witchcraft can be secular as well.
I think you are mistaking my initial disdain with his decision to explore witchcraft. It isn’t about believing in science, I don’t think I mention science once in my post but I see how it can be mistaken since I mention I come from an academic background. I have no qualms with practicing witchcraft and actually would like to participate myself, all knowing that it is just for leisure and entertainment, and it isn’t harmful. Similar to how playing a Ouija board might be. Others may believe there are actual beings controlling the position of the planchette, but we know that isn’t true.
My initial issue was him using this newfound interest to fall into delusion and have more mental health issues by ignoring the reality around him. His biggest issue with my challenge of these beliefs came when I told him to talk to his therapist about this. I wasn’t trying to force my beliefs on him because I don’t have any beliefs regarding it, although that might’ve been what I did since a lack of belief is a belief itself. I’ve apologised and we’re okay now, I hope. It does not seem like this is harmful so I’ll be supportive of this, just as I’ve been supportive of his other personal troubles.
Neither of us are in our teens or early twenties.
His last message to me was him asking me to stop and that anyone has a right to believe what they want.
I am starting to believe this is the best way forward. I care for N and his health, but this is ultimately out of my control.
Caring doesn’t give you a right to exceed others’ specifically stated boundaries.
You are correct, although the tone of your reply doesn’t sound very friendly but more condescending. That was his last reply to me because I didn’t reply after, instead I sought advice here. No boundaries were crossed. I apologised and let him know I would be there if he wanted to share with me, we’re on good terms.
@Valhaitham i mean, would you be asking this if the friend were exploring christianity or islam? because they all have the same basis in reality. if your friend isn’t hurting people, what do you care?
Absolutely yes. There are parts of those religions that can be prejudiced and hurtful so I would challenge a friend that would fall into them. Of course, if no harm is being done I would be supportive, which is the new position I’ve taken from the advice here. I recognize there are also benefits from practicing an organized religion for a person that might need it.
It’s a religious belief like any other. Unless you have a habit of antagonizing friends/family over their religious beliefs, it’s best to just drop it, or talk to them about why they believe it and actually take an interest in their beliefs, rather than just assuming you’re right and pushing your beliefs onto others.
This is what I did. I apologized for trying to impose by beliefs (or lack thereof) and showed interest in learning about it if he wanted to share. Thank you.
yup. though this sorta thing does border on “when, if ever, is it okay to intervene?” for example, if someone was joining a suicide cult is it okay to impose? but I think in this case even if you see it as just a superstition, lighting some candles and saying some stuff to yourself isn’t actually hurting anyone.
