I think this is pretty universal. It’s not an adhd thing, it’s more that our “accomplishments” in the system that dictates our lives are not real accomplishments. They’re expectations from some unwritten rule book of “standard capitalist life.” So, so many of them are meaningless to us, but the expectation that we get them done is palpable. You feel it from everyone: family, friends, even strangers. And when you don’t do them, you’re seen differently by those around you. That doesn’t mean anything except that they’re empty societal rituals that everyone else had to do, so they expect you to do them too.
They’re not bringing you any spiritual or personal fulfillment. They’re just getting the expectation off your back. This is not anything to do with any sort of neurodivergence. It’s literally just being a person in modern society.
Well said, I think this is spot on. There’s no ancestral circuit in our brains urging us to pay our taxes or mow our lawn, it’s just a thing we do.
I don’t know, most people are proud of getting a degree, right? I got a degree in my passion (and was still passionate about it at graduation), but haven’t ever felt pride in it. I’m currently in a difficult masters program and felt no pride about getting in. Maybe those are just also paperwork “accomplishments” for others, though.
Edit: I have felt positive about getting new jobs, but I think it was happiness, not pride. I’m proud when I beat someone at a game in a good way or am unexpectedly prepared for a situation, but I think that might be it.
This response (“this isn’t specific to ADHD”) to every post on here is incredibly tedious, especially when it’s filled with assumptions about what the original post means.
It says “achieving something,” not finishing work or paying taxes. It could be about making a work of art, finishing a tough workout, baking a cake, literally any of the things someone may do that is just about self fulfillment or enjoyment.
If those things that you want to do don’t give you joy, that can absolutely be an ADHD symptom! ADHD is characterized by dysfunction of the way the brain produces and uses dopamine, which among other things makes people feel a sense of reward.
This isn’t universal in degree or frequency, and frankly it just comes off as “everyone’s a little ADHD.”
While this is true, I still felt like this even when I made actual accomplishments. OP might be like me.
The only times I was genuinely proud of myself were when I didn’t even try and still got extremely good results for something. If I prepare for something, when I do success in achieving it, it just feels like it was supposed to happen anyway.
It might be helpful to reframe what made you proud. Like you said, putting in the effort up front means you expect to do well. But you should be proud of your preparation which enabled you to be successful.
It’s easy to fixate on the end goal (eg doing well on a test) and ignore all the little steps that got you there (going to class, doing your homework, studying).
ADHD is a dysfunction of dopamine regulation. Dopamine is the reward chemical. It motivates us to do things by making us feel good when something is done. Thus an ADHD brain is going to have more trouble feeling satisfied with a job well done. This is why external reward structures, such as positive reinforcement from friends, can be so beneficial to ADHD functioning.
Writing down the things I do and marking off each, is as close to feeling accomplishment Ill ever get.
Same. It’s such an effort at the end that I’m mostly glad I can rest. Using high stress as the executive function takes a toll.
Exactly.
When I accomplish something in a hobby it is an entirely different story. I am proud and happy, pleased, and all that good stuff. When doing these kinds of projects, I’m motivated by interest and not fear of negative consequences of failing.
Even if NT folks don’t feel good about most accomplishments, I am guessing they probably would feel a lot less stress, anxiety, self doubt, self flagellation, etc. for the same task as ADHD folks.
I feel the same way. When I’ve done a particularly difficult jigsaw puzzle or made a new dress with a cool original design I do feel proud and accomplished. I also feel very satisfied after finally doing some cleaning task because everything looks clean and nice. But with assignments or exams from school or whatever I don’t. The only time I get a true feeling of accomplishment from anything school related is if I’ve made a really fucking slapping lesson and the kids thought it was fun and weren’t out for blood that day, lol.
I actually do feel a bit proud of myself most of those times. But that’s mostly because it is extremely difficult for me to complete any larger task I don’t have a current fixation on, or am not enjoying already.
But of course there are also those unspoken expectations you have to conform to, and the absolute drag it is to do it consistently.
