Calamades

I lived and worked in New York and met a ton of celebrities/big names there. James Gandolfini was really nice. Bjork was not particularly nice. Tori Amos is one of the sweetest, most open and genuine people I’ve ever met. Ethan Hawke was a gross dick. Rik Okasek smells bad but is nice. I got shitcanned with Claude Coleman, my favorite drummer. My favorite celeb I have ever met though is Joan Jett, who I have met many times and is absolutely the best. It was super funny the one time I was just hanging out randomly on the street with a group of friends and this short little muscular blond lady rushed up to me, gave me a hard hug, and rushed away and I got to be like, “Oh, that was just Joan Jett” to my friends.

I’ve been trying to degender my language. I grew up saying “thank you (or excuse me, yes/no, etc) sir/ma’am” and then being in customer facing positions for years just absolutely cemented that in my mind to the point where it is an absolute knee jerk reaction to make assumptions about the gender of others. It’s an awful habit and makes me cringe every time I do it. I try to either just avoid the gender identifier (“thank you.”) which to my mind sounds impolite, or use gender neutral terms like “friend” which REALLY sound impolite. It’s tough but I’m working on it! The real trouble is getting my brain to stop gendering others and as a quite elderly millenial who actually identifies as Agender it is an annoying and difficult task. I’m envious of younger folks who won’t grow up with these kinds of ideas as a default.

Yesterday was my first day back at work after vacation (just chilled at home knitting and listening to audiobooks for a week) and it actually went incredibly well. I’m on a new ADHD medication that seems to be working without much side effects at all wbich is a huge relief and hopefully will really positively impact my productivity at work.

Me and my partner had a good and productive talk about our communications, and that was great.

It is absolutely ridiculously humid AF outside so the little thunderstorms we’ve been having this week have been a nice little break, with the added excitement of wondering if the power will go out and if so for how long.

I’ve read three books so far this week and am on a great series by Samantha SoRelle that I’m really enjoying.

Hope everyone is having an awesome day.

Job hunting sucks. As other posters said, if there is a store or cafe or something that you go to a lot, that’s a good place to start. If you’re in a position where you can ease into things and not focus too too much on earning, I really recommend volunteering. Think of an interest you have, whether it is animals, art, sports, and look into volunteer organizations in your area. Special Olympics always needs volunteers and is a ridiculous amount of fun. Volunteer positions will pad out your resume, give you valuable skills in interpersonal relationships and learning job routines, and are an easy and low stress kind of soft entry into work.

Eta, your local library is a great resource for volunteer positions.

Eh, it costs me nothing and actually helps me with a personal goal I have to not make assumptions about someone’s identity based on what I perceive. As someone who has been misgendered many times in the past, it truly hurts, and while that may be a personal problem, I don’t really love going around potentially causing others to feel hurt in any way.

It’s not so much about offending someone (and yes, people absolutely do sometimes get aggressively upset about it) and more about attempting to change my own mental habits. I believe like race, sexual orientation, and politics, gender is a personal topic that doesn’t really need to enter into a casual, never to be repeated interaction between two people. You don’t say “excuse me, old person,” based on your perceptions of another’s appearance. Why is gender any different? It certainly isn’t an objective concept or one that can be readily or factually assumed. It’s outmoded and unnecessary.

Also, as I commented earlier, if I am using what I mean to be a term of respect to make someone else feel confident and comfortable, and through my language I risk doing the opposite, why would I want to do that if it’s something I can personally change?

My partner finally finally got his driver’s license back after having a seizure in December, so we spent yesterday driving around to all the different nurseries for me to look for monsteras. No luck, but I did find a tillandsia the size of a baby’s head so that was neat.

I’ve been trying to put out of my mind the fact that I just learned that a close family member has lymphoma. They’re young and in exceptionally good health otherwise (and the remission rate is already good for the specific type) so I am trying to hold onto hope that this will just be a bad memory in a few months. But it still sucks and I hate to think of them isolated and in pain.

This is great and something I also strive for. I find often that I gravitate towards other neurodiverse folks, and knowing that someone else is having difficulty navigating a given situation often makes me feel like not only that I can step up and help them, but that I want to do so. I wouldn’t if it was just me, but I will always order coffee for my BFF rather than making her have a social interaction I know she is worried about. I’ll also happily make phone calls to doctors or to set appointments for friends and I would rather die on the floor than do it for myself. This might be a clue to ways around my social anxiety, if I could learn to treat myself as a friend who needs help.

That I may be autistic. Literally had a friend of 10+ years who works with nonverbal pre-K kiddies with autism say to me “You know you’re autistic, right?” So I started taking some tests online and reading some books and stuff, and dang, that would make a lot of sense. Not sure if I want to try and seek an official diagnosis as it is apparently pretty difficult to access in my area. But as an AFAB elder millennial who has struggled my entire life with making friends, interacting socially, and progressing in careers it is really freaking interesting to maybe finally have a reason for that.

ETA that I have spoken to my therapist about this at length and she has casually agreed that I may meet a lot of the criteria and we are spending a lot of time breaking this all down. I’m very fortunate to have the access to mental healthcare that I do have.

I find Discord is a lot better than social media for making connections. As another user said, it started out for me as a topic based platform. I get engaged in communities that are about my interests, and start posting and talking there. From being actively engaged in discussions about a common topic, you gradually start to know who you get along with, who you have other stuff in common with, and now I have several pretty good friends that I have ongoing DM convos with about off topic stuff and our personal lives.

Social media in general I think can be great if you’re trying to create or foster community or a brand (as an artist, merchant, professional, etc) but for making one on one connections so far Discord is much better for me for creating actual friendships.