Galtiel
Everything you do is a choice on some level, and everything he does is a choice too. I guarantee you there have been times where he felt miserable and guilty going to the bar instead of coming home to you. Times where he wanted to open up to you the way you opened up to him. I’m sure those times ate at him and made him feel like a piece of shit or whatever.
And rather than just doing the things he knew would make himself and you feel better, he went to the bar instead. He failed to be emotionally available even after you told him your needs and that you felt neglected.
Whether he’s consciously aware of how that’s messing things up doesn’t really matter in the end. Cause is still preceding effect. But honestly, he almost certainly is aware, and continues to make choices that are hurting you.
To be clear, “having the right to do whatever they want” does not equal “they’re not dickbags for doing it.”
Musk randomly decided to rebrand and stole a username he liked from someone because he’s an asshole playing at feudal lord. Sure, there’s no legal repercussions because it is his website. Doesn’t mean he’s not a fucking douche for doing it.
A person who is freezing to death because they refused to put on a coat is in crisis, but that doesn’t make it your responsibility to light yourself on fire in order to keep them warm.
No matter what you choose to do, things are going to be difficult and awful for a little bit. But one path is going to lead to you eventually feeling a lot better, and the other path is going to have you marching around in circles and not really going anywhere at all. Your choice is whether to endure some really shitty times for things to get better, or to ensure some really shitty times for things to stay more or less exactly the same as they have been.