Avatar

breathless_RACEHORSE

breathless_RACEHORSE@lemmy.world
Joined
4 posts • 74 comments
Direct message

Beautifully done.

My dumb ass initially missed the lowercase L, and read your headline as A.I. Pastor. Then I contemplated a completely robotic church, and, thanks to your pic, got really hungry.

But mostly I just want to start the “Robots to save your soul” campaign and automate religion.

Welcome to the church, fellow human. Please attend to the baptismal dunking machine. That’s Henry, our resident industrial arm robot. 7487 pitches this week, and he’s never missed. Alexa will take your confession in the next booth. Don’t worry, anonymity is a thing of the past, and your confessed sins will be reflected in your Amazon shopping list. Finally, the two vending machines will provide the body and blood of Christ, both expertly prepared on the spot with both wine and grape juice options available.

permalink
report
reply

I float between Connect and Boost. Both excellent.

permalink
report
reply

As an Aquarius limp ramen noodle, I can relate to this horoscope. Trick is, I HAVE gotten used to being alone, and enjoy it. Now I’m going to go and weep quietly in the corner.

permalink
report
reply

Haven’t had it in years, but my grandfather made them all the time and called it Gas House egg.

permalink
report
reply

Dear Santa:

All I want for Christmas is for someone to mod this into FO:NV.

You have about a week or so. Get to coding you fat, jolly, bastard.

permalink
report
reply

Bakula, Baio, Joplin, Walker, Welland, Foley, Stapp, Van Pelt, Hamilton, Glenn, Adams, Ian Rosenfield, Adkins, Steiner, Peterson, Travis, Murray, Aukerman… And so many more.

All the Scotts.

Not to be confused with the Scots, which are people from Scotland.

permalink
report
parent
reply

–Check the bottom of my own toaster.

Thank you for improving my life a little, fellow dumbass.

permalink
report
reply

Well, it was a fun childhood. Plenty of other stories.

permalink
report
parent
reply

Hot car panties. Haven’t you been paying attention?

permalink
report
parent
reply

My mother was a professional hot air balloon pilot, and I was her ground crew chief. We had a bunch of regular crew members, and I was shocked by one guy who confessed that he had fallen in love with our hot air balloon. He asked permission to spend a day in our garage, and explicitly told us he wanted to unpack the envelope (the balloon part) and fuck it. He also said he had been having dreams of fucking the suede and padding that lined the top of the rattan gondola.

He was never called to crew again.

permalink
report
reply