douxfroufrou
Hey, just wanted to check in, and let you know that what you said really affected me, and helped me to finally end the relationship.
We had had many open discussions about his many betrayals; we were even doing weekly couples therapy, and he had begun individual therapy. He would do and say the right things each time, for a minute anyway, and out of desperation, loneliness, fearfulness in the face of illness, I would take him back.
Except it never lasted, and every time, every fucking time, it turned out to be lies. The kicker was that as I grew increasingly angry and resentful, and began showing it and standing up to him, the love-bombing evaporated and he turned nasty. The last few weeks were a whirlwind of crazy making and gaslighting, descending into blatant character assassination.
He took to trashing every tender memory, all the sacred moments when he had cared for me, all that had kept me bonded. He now went on and on about how I had just been taking advantage of him, I was selfish, I was greedy.
The truth is, I’m a person with perilously low self esteem, who tries to disappear and constantly gives too much; it is a struggle for me to ask for or accept help. But he called me “a professional victim” and “a whiner.” He knew just how to cut me to the core.
The closer I got to ending it, the deeper he stabbed. And yet- he really seemed to think we had a future together.
In the end, his sickness was blindingly clear, even to my blinkered eyes. He was flashing from sweetness to contemptuous rage at a moment’s notice- I was walking on eggshells and living in a state of high anxiety.
Thank God I’d been working on my social network, been forced to with the crisis of cancer. I started telling people what was going on. I had a couple of friends now, a therapist. On a whim I spoke the truth here.
And everyone said: Go, get out, save yourself.
It’s taken me many tries, but I did it. He’s blocked on everything, and I’m getting through each day with the conscious knowledge that I’m quitting a dangerous addiction. Lots of distraction, much reaching out for help and support. I spend time each day reminding myself of the horror. Still sometimes I miss him so terribly. Thank God my head is still ringing with so many horrible things he said.
I feel like I’m going to make it. Thank you, kind stranger, for your piece in showing me the way out.
In the discussions I’m following, people are still waiting to find out what they managed to negotiate with regards to their pension. If there is enough improvement there, it might offset their disappointment enough to vote yes.
I don’t see people talking much about striking or not just now.
I totally get what you mean. It seems like we should be able to eat carbs without problems. But for some of us, carbs seem to interact badly with one or more systems related to cravings/satiety, digestion, metabolism, energy storage/release. And then limiting carbs seems to really help. Especially insulin resistance/diabetes issues seem to respond well.
Perhaps it’s genetic? I remember both my parents bingeing. Or there’s been some kind of damage or exposure over time: High fructose corn syrup? Micro-plastics? Endocrine-disrupting chemicals? Who knows.
The only thing that really works against binge eating for me, is to keep a very low carb diet. I realized that if I eat carbs, I want carbs; I crave carbs, I binge. If I’m not eating carbs, I lose all interest, have no desire to eat them, my appetite falls way down and I fill up and stay satisfied super easily, and I just cease to binge.
Also, getting off carbs means a 10-day struggle with cravings (after shockingly rapid size/weight gains, bingeing and guilt); after going through that a few times, I’d rather just stay perpetually low carb. If you already like salty snacks like me, you might also really enjoy having an excuse to eat a lot of meat, cheese, veggies etc.
After decades if struggle- that’s what I’ve finally found that actually works. Over a year binge free. Good luck!
Hey y’all, YSK that applying heat to poison ivy rash provides total relief from itching for several hours. I get it ridiculously bad and so have had many unfortunate opportunities to experiment.
I’ve tried heat gun, hair dryers, nearby flames (!) but the easiest is hot water. Get water as hot as you can stand (you don’t need or want to actually burn yourself), and run it over or soak each rashy area for a few minutes. I often feel an intense wave of sensation at first, sometimes freakishly pleasurable (as if I were scratching the itch really hard).
You will be able to feel the exact area and edges of the rash; the sensation response is very distinct from adjacent areas of healthy skin. Make sure to gradually move your body and/or the water source to make sure you find the entire rash and get that heat soaked into all of it.
As you keep an area of rash exposed to the heat, the strong sensation will fade after a couple of minutes, leaving the rash-skin feeling specifically unresponsive to the heat, similar to numbness.
When you hit that point, where you no longer feel any sensation to the heat in the rash area you’re working on, you’re done. This reliably gives me 3-4 hours of complete relief from the itch.
Make sure you try other areas if you can, btw- If you’re doing this in the shower, you can effectively “scan” and treat your whole body for rashes big and small, since any affected patches of skin will leap out at you with their sensitivity to the heat. (I’ve even found that if a non-rash area has that big sensation response, it’s actually a “pre-rash” that is soon to erupt. But you can already feel the exact outlines of it under the heat.)
It seems like this treatment is reducing immune reaction in the area - and anecdotally appears to speed recovery and limit rash progression. But the relief from the infernal itch is worth it, regardless.
When you feel the itch returning, just repeat the same treatment. Try not to bump/touch the rashy areas, as that seems like it can make the itch return sooner.
This process is made easier if you can get your shower water hot enough, and just move around under the hot stream, or if you can soak in a very hot tub. But I’ve managed in a kitchen sink as well.
Hope that helps someone! It’s saved me from some incredible misery while enduring rash over much of my body.
Hey, what’s the leaf? Do you eat it?
Wow, these are awesome! Is the one in the cover pic for tours? It looks like you can sit on top? Does it drive out on the snow? Did you go in it?