eighthaccount [none/use name]
covid broke me. i constantly am grappling with how many people have left us since 2020. how they should still be here. how many more we will lose. the rest of us that very well could suffer from a shorter, needlessly challenging life. all because a small group of selfish removed couldn’t sacrifice a month or two in quarantine.
maybe they just didn’t understand the risk. for someone not informed i could see them brushing it off. i’m not sure who to blame exactly. i dont understand enough about humanity and the world to say definitively. was it the high priests of capital? the social fascists that refused to cancel their fancy parties? what about the fundamentalists that believe covid is a sign of the impending end of the world and thus hastened it forward? or is it me, who after spending the last 3 years avoiding covid, got infected because i just had to go see that show?
outside of a miracle cure and effective treatment for long covid, i have a hard time seeing things improving for humanity in my lifetime. anyone who has foresight seems to be on the same page. all talking about it does seem to do is depress the people around me - even those i know who agree. society seems to be warping and distorting rapidly to the point where i believe the average human life could become completely and unrecognizably cruel within a generation or two.
I can definitely relate to the cognitive distortion angle, and that’s what I often told myself. I never had put the brakes on though and fully stopped for a longer period of time outside of just vacations where it wasn’t accessible. Usually this was fine because I was out somewhere new and exciting where I didn’t need to be stoned to have a great time.
This time, going cold turkey in the middle of the holidays, after about five days I hit a fucking brick wall of horrendous withdrawal symptoms. I had no idea it could be so bad. I think this new perspective has shown that while weed can be fun, it has a major, lasting impact on my body and mind that I need to be more mindful of. It made it that much easier to stay away for the 3-week experiment and since those symptoms, the temptation to toke has gone away entirely.
Today marks day 15 of no marijuana. Trying to go 21 days for fun and also to re-define my relationship with the substance. I don’t want to have to rely on getting high daily to cope with the horrors of this world anymore.
I’ve had a good time putting native Windows apps/games that aren’t Steam-based or even technically compatible with the Deck and getting them running surprisingly well (with the help of mods/addons)
Aside from that, it’s finally the mobile PC platform I’ve always wanted. Just recently I was playing BG3 on my hotel TV and aside from a couple known controller glitches, it was like living a dream how smooth it was.
The main reason I haven’t spent even more time on it is because the accessories I’m eyeing will cost a good chunk of change that I cant afford currently - a dedicated TKL board, mouse, battery, sd cards, portable monitor, potentially even a second deck for work/pentesting biz. Maybe next year.