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Correct, I help around the house and am primary parent during weekends as well as taking him with me to work regularly. Definitely an active father that takes full responsibility for my son nearly 100% of the time that I have outside of work. Thats a fair consideration when we talk about sharing of responsibilities, I don’t think I mentioned that anywhere here.

You are correct, I’m just hoping we can chill things out enough that she can understand where I’m coming from so I don’t have to completely clam up on my side.

Thanks

The shared budget has been primarily from my income. We have discussed in the past that pushing the balance back towards 50/50 is desirable and fair when she would be financially comfortable enough or that. So, our “system” has largely been informal and I am taking personal responsibility here to agree that probably should have been clarified and set ahead of time, sure. But the tie in with mutual trust, sharing, and interdependence cannot be overlooked. If I’m in a relationship I would hope a rising tide lifts all boats, because thats what Im working for. As I said, it is hurtful and leads me to question my own ability to be generous if someone is not mutually trusting. It’s likely around the corner that this question will be faced on the inverse and that is a core piece of my conflict. I already said we have big concerns that need to be addressed, but its a whole relationship, Im discussing one piece of it here to hopefully gain some perspective. Thanks for your reply though. I think I already said that in this case transparency is what I am not getting and I feel is well deserved. You can call that entitlement if you like, I call that the basics of a healthy relationship.

If you read that as a personal attack it is clear you are not here for good faith conversation. Have a nice day.

The confusion after the debate comes from those of us with eyes and ears. There is no world where Joe Biden can be defended as capable of another four years. To believe that is as big a lie as the stolen election nonsense the Rs have been pushing.

Nah don’t worry, he can call into softball morning interviews and shuffle papers around to deliver prepared notes. That will certainly send a strong message of capable resilience! Apparently blue maga is strong now.

Thanks my friend, will see where the dust settles and I will let y’all know.

This is good advice, thanks for the support. I don’t need to have any say in what she does with her money, I just want her to be honest with me.

I see. Yeah the kiddo factor definitely is a big shift in the dynamic. I can see how different it would be… I get it though, if you can say “hey babe I just got a bunch of money, we are in a good spot and I would like to do x, y, and z with it” then the actualy amount is less relevant.

The deception casts a different light on some recent interactions and makes it feel like we weren’t actually engaging in good faith discussion.

For example she was recently visiting her family in California and I offered some extra loot to upgrade to a better hotel for her and her sister when I saw how pricey the options were. She could have waived me off and explained that she really doesn’t need it, clearly that money has a much larger impact in my own modest account.

A willingness to take money from your partner when they don’t know that you secretly have way more than them feels grimey. I guess the deception is what is fucking me up here. Ultimately the deception is allowing your partner to have an incomplete view of reality.

I think I am leaning towards suggesting that finances are now 50/50 across the board unless she is willing to explain to me how exactly that isn’t fair. It sucks that I am feeling like I can no longer be generous, that’s not who I want to be but it where I am at.

Yeah this is exactly all that I want. An equal split would be a complete game changer and I would be able to catch back up on my finances and not feel like everything is spoken for before it even hits my bank account. That phrase “what’s mine is mine and what’s yours is yours” is probably a good way to phrase it, and I absolutely am not looking to usurp control in any way. Thanks, another solid reply here, you guys are great. Much better responses than what you’d find on reddit. I actually started writing an AITA and deleted my account halfway through, shoulda done it earlier.