Not much of a “meme”

Any photo editor will do. Just load it in and export as JPEG or smaller resolution.

On f-droid:

Pocket Paint is crashy for me, but it gets the job done.

Imagepipe has a bit clunky interface but just to load and export it works fine. Its primary advertised purpose is to remove metadata from photos, so not a bad thing to have on hand anyway.

Peep Show if you’re into humour as dry as sandpaper. It definitely has peopley people.

@Please_Do_Not@lemm.ee

Yeah that’s a good segment about it. Recently Pinely released one with some fun tidbits of Guiness shenanigans: How Guiness RUINED World Records

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Why does this sound threatening?

(ahh thanks for the archived link)

maybe OP’s deal has a clause where they can trade a soul for their freedom to back out

It’s Guiness. The bar for evidence is 10,000 dollars.

Have you checked to make sure he is not your human dad?