Liam

Looking at what you’ve said here and elsewhere on the thread, I’d say that at worst, you’re dealing with processing socially imbedded roles and assumptions. I can’t speak to much more than USian culture, but there’s a strong association between masculinity and ‘coolness’ and with femininity and soft ‘airheadedness’. Not getting why people wouldn’t want to be cool is a reasonable hang up, and a good thing to know about yourself. Putting practice into holding the idea that “just because I don’t understand it doesn’t make it wrong” is pretty much the path forward there. For exploration on ways you may want to express, I’m not a fan of tiktok as a platform, but there’s a ton of “mascgirl” fashion there. It’s cool, primarily street wear looks, being worn by people proud to be GNC women and girls. It does seem to be a pretty not-straight space, but it isn’t like a requirement.

I think it’s very easy for presentation preferences to be pretty fluid. Wanting to expand into a new range of styles can be just that. Weird as it might be to say… The fact that you’re worried that it could be internalized misogyny driving it is a pretty good tell that it probably isn’t. Or, if it is, you’ll likely feel that pretty hard as you explore.

Nothing is lost by exploring some new fashion, (assuming you have the budget to do so). Give yourself the space and time to feel what you feel about it when you try things out. If you find yourself thinking ‘everyone should wear this, it’s objectively better’, that’s when I’d be concerned. We live in a world that connects masculinity with power, and while it’s important to remember why that’s a problem on the large scale, if a masc cut jacket gives you a boost and makes you feel strong? There’s nothing wrong with harnessing that for yourself.

Good luck! I hope you have a good personal support team to help you along the way.

Sounds like you’re doing great! I majored in German in college, it’s such a fun language to learn. Others have already mentioned these points, but they’re definitely the next step for you, if you’re looking to expand your current practice. Language accusation has 4 major components. Reading comprehension and listening comprehension (passive) and writing and speaking (active). Having a practice buddy that can speak with you on a regular basis will move you forward in leaps and bounds. Same for actually immersing yourself in an environment where the language is spoken can also move you sooo far forward. But if you keep on as you are, you’ll definitely still learn a lot :)

Soooo much this!!!

This is absolutely amazing, I listened to the video sample you posted too and it sounds great!