I love all the ritualized behaviour, secret meanings and unexpected taboos - standing up when someone of higher status stands, elaborate rules for serving and eating, tapping the table to thank the server, never refuse a toast from a superior, stuff like that.
Whether it’s about meals or anything else, I’d love to hear about any uncommon politeness standard or similar social behaviour that goes on in your location, culture or restaurant!
One thing that I think is very foreign to some people, that Americans take for granted, is that a table server is always watching you when you dine. If the patron looks unhappy, or us even just sitting up and looking around, a good server will be there as soon as they can to see if something is needed. Hand-in-hand with that, signalling a server, especially with a loud noise, is extremely rude, basically an accusation that they’re not doing their job. Which, okay, sometimes we aren’t and it’s appropriate. But to wave or stand is an indictment, and to snap or whistle is way over the line.
Correspondingly, a good waitress doesn’t interrupt a meal or conversation, but merely glides by or hovers until the party is ready for his attention.
A wave of the hand is absolutely not rude or an indictment, especially these days when nearly every restaurant is understaffed. It’s the polite way to get the server’s attention.
Depends on the restaurant. While not rude, a wave is often unnecessary in finer dining. Busy sports bar, sure. But most good servers will be scanning fairly constantly. Simple eye-contact is usually enough.
I would consider it an indictment in a fine dining establishment, yes. Anywhere else, no. Of course, you shouldn’t literally be waving your arms around. Just a slight lift of the hand while looking at them.
Oh man I’d hate that. I don’t want to feel watched while I eat and I don’t like to pretend the staff aren’t there and not even address their help with at least a thank you. Whereabouts is this custom?
The best servers don’t hover in obvious ways. I swear more times than I can count I’ve finished a drink, said something to my dining partner or taken a bite of food, and looked down to find a new Shirley temple. Those servers are magic and earn their tips. (disclaimer I hate tipping culture but this is the world we exist in and some nice lady bringing me Shirley temples shouldn’t suffer for me not liking it)
I think this is a little over-simplified. If there are only a few tables it likely happens, but with current staffing, even before covid, if a servers section is full there’s no way they can watch for tiny signals from every table. Heck it’s hard to even catch your servers attention in most restaurants during busy times between when they are taking orders and actually serving other tables.
