I love all the ritualized behaviour, secret meanings and unexpected taboos - standing up when someone of higher status stands, elaborate rules for serving and eating, tapping the table to thank the server, never refuse a toast from a superior, stuff like that.
Whether it’s about meals or anything else, I’d love to hear about any uncommon politeness standard or similar social behaviour that goes on in your location, culture or restaurant!
Here in the upper Midwest, it’s highly impolite to ask guests to leave, or for guests to directly announce that they’re leaving. The accepted way for hosts to hint is to say, “Would ya look at the time?”, or steer the conversation toward things the host has to do later, e.g. clean up, or get up the next morning. For guests, stereotypically you slap your knees and say, “Welp, I suppose…”
Then you don’t just leave, there’s the goodbye, the doorway goodbye, the offer of leftovers to take home, and the driveway goodbye.
The knee slap sounds suspiciously german.
“Ach schau mal auf die Zeit! Schon 2 Uhr!”
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This is just a small thing and I don’t know if it’s exclusively Swedish (or even done in the entierty of Sweden) but anyways. In the grocery store all customers generally turn all products so that the barcode is facing forward, aka the way that’s the most convenient for the cashier. Partially done to pay respect I guess but also makes the whole thing go faster.
Our cashiers are pretty fast for having to turn the product.
But If I have seen it correctly, our cashing systems in Germany can scan the EAN from two sides through a mirror.
Also you can’t compare to a cashier scanning vs packing anyway so making them even more fast would be hell. Also older folks would be thrice as overwhelmed as usual during regular lunch hours… :|
in Vienna they usually have some sort of table near the checkouts so you can just grab everything, put yourself there to free up the space for other people, and slowly organize your stuff into some bag/backpack
We also have that.
But the pressure is high so you better be quick while the transaction is going through ;)
A bit of a memey example: https://youtube.com/shorts/D5Qip1N1FIc
Not common here in the US, but I’ve worked in retail, so I do it. I know how annoying / slow it can be.
Americans often don’t also bag their own to groceries, which also slows the line down. Checkout lines become much shorter if you ready things for scanning and help with bagging.
One thing that I think is very foreign to some people, that Americans take for granted, is that a table server is always watching you when you dine. If the patron looks unhappy, or us even just sitting up and looking around, a good server will be there as soon as they can to see if something is needed. Hand-in-hand with that, signalling a server, especially with a loud noise, is extremely rude, basically an accusation that they’re not doing their job. Which, okay, sometimes we aren’t and it’s appropriate. But to wave or stand is an indictment, and to snap or whistle is way over the line.
Correspondingly, a good waitress doesn’t interrupt a meal or conversation, but merely glides by or hovers until the party is ready for his attention.
A wave of the hand is absolutely not rude or an indictment, especially these days when nearly every restaurant is understaffed. It’s the polite way to get the server’s attention.
Depends on the restaurant. While not rude, a wave is often unnecessary in finer dining. Busy sports bar, sure. But most good servers will be scanning fairly constantly. Simple eye-contact is usually enough.
I would consider it an indictment in a fine dining establishment, yes. Anywhere else, no. Of course, you shouldn’t literally be waving your arms around. Just a slight lift of the hand while looking at them.
Oh man I’d hate that. I don’t want to feel watched while I eat and I don’t like to pretend the staff aren’t there and not even address their help with at least a thank you. Whereabouts is this custom?
The best servers don’t hover in obvious ways. I swear more times than I can count I’ve finished a drink, said something to my dining partner or taken a bite of food, and looked down to find a new Shirley temple. Those servers are magic and earn their tips. (disclaimer I hate tipping culture but this is the world we exist in and some nice lady bringing me Shirley temples shouldn’t suffer for me not liking it)
I think this is a little over-simplified. If there are only a few tables it likely happens, but with current staffing, even before covid, if a servers section is full there’s no way they can watch for tiny signals from every table. Heck it’s hard to even catch your servers attention in most restaurants during busy times between when they are taking orders and actually serving other tables.
In a busy restaurant in the New York City area, it is considered rude to waste people’s time in not knowing what to order. If you don’t have your order or questions ready about the order when it is your turn, you’re going to piss everyone else off.
“No elbows on the table” is one older one. I never really got it anyway
It is a combination that tables were too small to have room to put your elbows on and that some tables weren’t nailed down to their legs, making it easy for them to turn over.
It’s actually because sailors were often looked down upon in high society and they used their elbows to keep their plate from sliding around on the table as the ship rocked back and forth
