I feel like I remember reading that ancient Greek men would routinely have sex with other men, even when they were more attracted to women. Like, sex with women was for babies and sex with men was for fun, or something like that? I could be misremembering, or what I read might be wrong. And of course, history being what it is and reliant on the limited sources we have from the time, not knowing what information may have been lost or distorted, it’s hard to know if it was that, or if they were gay but socially expected to also have wives, or what.

But also, as an ace person, it’s very common for some ace people (not all, not me, but a substantial number) to nevertheless have sexual relationships with their partners, even though they are not sexually attracted to them. They can still enjoy it because their body still feeds them the happy chemicals, and they’re still being intimate with their loved one, even though it’s not in the same exact way as someone who does experience sexual attraction might enjoy it.

I’ve also met at least one person who talked extensively about how she is a lesbian, sexually attracted exclusively only to women, but she fell in love with and married a man anyway. Sometimes people react badly when I bring her up because this brings to mind the “gays should be happy in straight marriages!” bigotry that gets pushed, but nevertheless, this couple exists and are (or were last I met them) very happy. I wish there were less… sort of reflexive bigotry? against this kind of relationship, that exists because the right tried (and try) to force gay people into straight marriages against their will. But just because forcing someone to do a thing is bad, does not mean there are no people who want to do the thing for themselves and of their own will. It also kinda still gives the right continued power of gay peoples’ romantic choices, in the roundabout “I’ll deny you so vehemently I’ll limit my own or my community’s options” or a “limiting oneself so as not to ‘give the bigots ammo’” kind of way - it’s not giving the right what they want, but it’s still taking their opinions into account when they could just be ignored altogether.

Anyway. This lines up also with the fact that aces are used to talking about sexual and romantic attraction, plus also sensual attraction, all being different things that can point in different directions. I don’t see any reason to believe that’s less true for straight and gay and bi folks, even though our labels treat romantic and sexual attraction as the same thing. I think at least amongst bi folks people do sometimes talk about how some bisexuals are more sexually attracted to A but maybe more romantically attracted to B? And I hear straight people say shit like “it’s a pity I’m not gay” about people they say they’d totally date if they were sexually attracted to them.

Anyway, I do feel like ADHD and autistic folks do tend to think outside the box more? Something like that which causes us to question this kind of thing more often than others might.

I also think being trans, being as it involves questioning such a deeply societally ingrained idea as binary gender, might predispose trans people to then also question other commonly held ideas, or to do a lot of deep introspection that might lead to the realization that they might have ADHD or Autism and so on.