Mostly asking for other people on the spectrum, but allistics are free to comment also.
🫂 Not a mess, you just operate differently to how you’d rather. Brains are wildly variable and affected by the strangest stuff. A trick that might work under certain conditions might not with others. Juggling moods, free time, seasonality & weather, finance (“can I afford to do this project right now”) and all that other garbage is a whole task in itself.
That’s when it might help to fall back on compartmentalising the task as others suggested: what is the next single step to refinishing the closets? Sanding the walls? Okay today I will sand one wall and then stop. Done. Feel like tackling a second wall after? Let yourself do that. If not, you are one step closer. Not up to even that single wall? Do future-you a favour and get your equipment staged to do that wall.
Small progress is still progress.
Oh, trust me. I am a mess lol. There’s much more to the full picture, which has been compounding for longer than I care to admit. Finance is definitely a huge part of it (and often throws a huge wrench into the order of operations). Being unmedicated for most of my life didn’t help either.
The sanding bit is actually a perfect example. I could theoretically do one wall then stop. But after that wall, I’ll be a sweaty, dusty mess. Showering is a necessity (and also a huge executive dysfunction/OCD/dissociation trigger). So if I’m already dirty, it only makes sense to continue. This turns every potential starting point into [Overwhelming Task], topped off by The Shower Process. And then other things pop up, some of which are easier, some of which take immediate priority, etc. And things just pile up on one another. So in order to get to a closet today, I’d have to empty a room to get to the closet (because the basement is still empty from water getting in during a winter storm and 8 months later is still not fully resolved), empty the closet, rig some plastic or something to try and minimize the dust, sand, clean. And even though the path to the closet is clear, somewhere else is now overpiled with stuff, and will stay that way until I can paint, and then seal the floor. Repeat 4 more times.
So, stuff just sits while I struggle to tread water. I’m tired, yo.
Oh that’s just awful. So any time you need to do Big Project, each smaller step is in itself Big Project and subdividing is off the table.
It also sounds like you’re tackling everything without help. If you can stand it, would organising a group task force help? My partner (not me - I can’t do people very well) got together with some of her more reliable friends and they will plan every other weekend to all descend upon one of their homes and spend about 4 hours doing What Needs To Be Done. It turns the activity into more of a social gathering, and they actually get things done.
Not sure if that would help with some of what you’re dealing with. Also, I’m definitely not a professional so I can’t really help, just try to throw suggestions into the ether in the hope that they might improve someone’s situation a little.
So any time you need to do Big Project, each smaller step is in itself Big Project and subdividing is off the table.
Got it in one. Hat’s off - just about every mental health professional I’ve talked to has had trouble with this part.
It also sounds like you’re tackling everything without help. If you can stand it, would organising a group task force help? My partner (not me - I can’t do people very well) got together with some of her more reliable friends and they will plan every other weekend to all descend upon one of their homes and spend about 4 hours doing What Needs To Be Done. It turns the activity into more of a social gathering, and they actually get things done.
Correct on the mostly alone thing. My spouse and I are very similar when it comes to executive dysfunction (which is as mutually frustrating as it sounds) and she is nowhere near handy. It’s all me when it comes to maintenance/repairs.
Pretty much all of our close friends have their hands full with their own lives/kids/crises. What’s worse, I’ve had people promise to help and then ghost me. And every contractor I’ve hired has done a half-assed job at best. Most have been straight up incompetent. It makes me (further) question my decision making skills.
But on the bright side, one friend’s crisis landed him on leave for a bit. (He very much needed the break.) He put out a general offer to help because he has time and knows I’m struggling, so I took him up on it. Hopefully between the two of us we can figure out how to replace the rest of the gutter guards this week.
Professional or not, I appreciate the feedback and empathy. Thanks, kind internet stranger. 🫡
