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30 points

To be fair, his name is Celeborn. Can’t blame him for being celibate.

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44 points

No, I blame Tolkien and his literally making elves only bang for the purpose of procreation because he’s a repressed Catholic weirdo sometimes.

Jokes on him, modern society has agreed elves are hos.

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28 points

It would be prudent for a sentient species with such long lifespans to practice planned procreation rather than multiplying exponentially like a culture on a petri dish.

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26 points
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There’s the Elven Rope that’s light as a feather and strong as steel. No reason there could not have been the Elven Condom that’s thin and impermeable.

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10 points

Fair enough, but I think we can agree that Tolkien elves were bad at planning

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3 points

He could have just given them all narrow urethras like Hank Hill

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3 points

Some would say 40k maybe went a little too far in the opposite direction with dark elves.

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5 points

Thats weirdly more of a Warhammer fantasy hold over what with dommy mommy Morathi, mind you unlike the Aeldar they didnt murderfuck orgy Slaanesh into existance.

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26 points
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AkShUaLlY…. It’s pronounced “Kel-a-born”….but I still applaud your humor!

Most, if not all c’s are pronounced as hard K’s in Elvish (Elven?) languages.

It does get a little weird with places like Cirith Ungol, but there are, allegedly, older maps where it’s spelled Kirith.

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