Ever since I came out to my wife and kids, and started being myself, my personality has changed, a lot. I’m more extroverted, weirdly enough. I’ve been a bit sharper with the kids, not in a mean way, but, more of a no-nonsense kinda way. I used to walk around the house naked all the time, but now I feel compelled to cover up. I blame a disconnect with my body on that one.
I feel more confident to just, go up and talk to people, ask if I can take their picture. I can make posts without second-guessing myself and deleting them.
I know it’s all just me finally getting in touch with myself, but it feels weird, even to me. I used to be this demure, quiet, self conscious girl, but now that I’m letting her out, she refuses to go back into the box. It’s like a seal was broken. I’m having anxiety about going to my nephews birthday party, cuz I’m not out to that part of my family, and most of them are fundamental Christians.
I did manage to talk to one of my brothers today, and he accepts me, though he has some bias. Basically told me if it was anyone else, he wouldn’t be so willing. So I have some work to do there. Or not, if I can’t help him see people as people.
Remember, everyone, not just the trans community: You are loved. You are valid. It’s okay for you to be you.
Yeah, it was just my body. I think… I truly had no association with my man-body. It… Wasn’t mine? If that makes sense. I didn’t care what happened to it. But, for example, I was making hot dogs yesterday. Good ones, not that rubbery shit. Some of the hot dog juice from the packet landed on my arms, chest, and shirt as I threw away the packaging.
I. Freaked. Out.
I was just about crying in the bathroom because I didn’t have a shirt I felt comfortable in, and I WAS NOT gonna put on one of my old shirts, or walk around topless. I am so self conscious now, I wouldn’t dream of it. I can barely get into bed without being covered now. (I sleep naked. I might change that soon though 😭 Sandpaper skin suuuucks) But, yeah, I guess I always thought of it as “his” body and not mine, you know?
