Knock, knock, knock

A series of quick knocks stirred me from sleep. I looked around the room trying to orient myself. Was I in my bedroom? No, the end table wasnt there. The coffee table was though, this must be the living room.

Knock, knock, knock

I sat up on the couch. I must have fallen asleep. The thin cheap curtains barely stopped the light from the street lamps from getting into my apartment. I rubbed my face trying to clear my senses.

I looked to at the cable box on my old television. 3:30am. I stood up and felt wobbly, still drunk. I started to walk towards my bathroom to answer the knocking.

Knock knock knock

The knocking was coming from my front door, clearly still high. I walk to the door and opened it. In front of me was a tall, muscular man with brown hair and brown eyes. He was soaking wet. His white Tshirt clung to him like a second skin and his jeans look vacuumed sealed to his body. My heart skipped a beat.

Before I could react he had wrapped himself around me in one of those hugs you are convinced the goal is to actually merge you both into one person. My first reaction was shock. I realized in that instant I was only wearing boxer briefs. I resisted for a split second then gave in and hugged him back. Even though he was soaking wet the warmth radiating from his body overcame the shock of the cold. I could feel my body reacting to his. That feeling in the pit of your stomach. That shot of adrenaline.

I gently pushed him off me. I held him at arms length, my hands resting in his biceps. My body continued to betray me and my boxer briefs were failing to cover up what I was feeling.

I looked him in the eyes. He looked back.

“If you tell me to stay, I will” Kurt said to me. My knees nearly buckled. This shit doesn’t happen in real life. My heart was now pounding. I wanted nothing more to say yes pull him into my apartment and have a life with him. I wanted to adopt kids with him, watch him mow the lawn. Curl up with him in bed at night. Have coffee in the morning.

This is everything I have ever dreamed of.

I let go of his arms and looked down at the floor. “Kurt, we had one perfect day together. I’m gay though, you aren’t. I know how this story ends and I’m not going to put myself through it again.”

I looked to at him. His body was shaking from gentle sobs. I leaned forward and kissed his lips gently. I could taste the salt on his skin and it set my blood on fire.

“Now go Kurt, go back to your wife. Have your perfect life with her.”

Kurt looked back at me. “But Ethan, I love you”

“You don’t Kurt, you think you do but you don’t”

I gently guided him out the door, locking it behind him. I sat on the floor and cried harder then I ever had, and it turns out, harder then I ever would.