Breakfast on weekdays is peanut butter on wholemeal toast. With a huge cup of coffee.

Throughout the day I drink water flavoured by raspberries and blueberries.

Dinner (or lunch to the rest of the English speaking world, I’m from northern England) is a chickpea and mixed vegetable salad I prep for the week on Sunday.

Tea (main evening meal) is normally a pie or something breaded like a Kiev or fish served with chips (chunky fries) and mixed frozen vegetables. Then Greek yoghurt with mashed frozen raspberries and blueberries for dessert.

As a snack most days some digestive biscuits with a cup of tea (what’s normally called breakfast tea).

Saturdays I skip breakfast and have a bacon sandwich for dinner.

Once a month I order a huge calzone for tea on a Saturday (my local takeaway calls it the Monster, it has every kind of meat they serve in it) which I dunk in mayonnaise and pig out on whilst drinking a Doombar. Then I have another Doombar whilst smoking a cigar afterwards. Normally there’s enough calzone left for food the following day.