I have this friend, N, that has recently started believing things very out of the ordinary. He said that he’s been getting into paganism and studying runes and candles. I told him that was very interesting, it sounded like a fun time and a good hobby to have. N let me know that it wasn’t just a hobby, but that it had a function and purpose, a sort of witchcraft.
I come from an academic background; it doesn’t seem healthy to me to actually believe and try to practice witchcraft, not because it might be real, but because of the mental health associations with it. So I told my concerns to N but he brushed them off, saying that people have the right to believe in what they want. I respect that, but I do not want N to fall into delusion. I let him know, as respectful as I could, that believing in witchcraft does not make it real and that it wasn’t healthy to believe otherwise. He got really bothered when I told him he should talk to his therapist about this stuff. N has a history of mental health issues and was in a deeply abusive relationship for a few years which cause him a lot of grief. I was accused of being rude and trying to impose my beliefs. His last message to me was him asking me to stop and that anyone has a right to believe what they want.
I cherish N a lot as a friend, I do not wish them any harm. I respect that anyone has a right to believe what they want, but I really don’t think this is healthy for my friend. Is there any way I can help him? Is the best way forward to just stop and let him be?
I am starting to believe this is the best way forward. I care for N and his health, but this is ultimately out of my control.
Caring doesn’t give you a right to exceed others’ specifically stated boundaries.
You are correct, although the tone of your reply doesn’t sound very friendly but more condescending. That was his last reply to me because I didn’t reply after, instead I sought advice here. No boundaries were crossed. I apologised and let him know I would be there if he wanted to share with me, we’re on good terms.
I don’t think it’s meant to be condescending, just something to keep in mind when it comes to discussing belief systems. It’s good that you respected your friends boundaries, but it’s not an out of place assumption to think you may have without additional information, given how people who look down on non-standard belief systems tend to act, especially those that would try to invalidate what they believe in.
I’m somewhat curious if your academic stance against witchcraft and the negative mental effects extends out to ‘normal’ beliefs. If not, what is it specifically about witchcraft that makes you feel that it will have negative effects on their mental health? It sounds like you may just not be knowledgeable about it, so it may help you (and your friendship) to take an open and academic view and educate yourself on the stuff your friend believes. At worst, you’ll gain knowledge on another belief system and have a deeper understanding of something that was foreign to you.
In the end, much like the other posters have said, let them believe what they want so long as they’re not hurting themselves* or others. Believing in the make believe is something we all do to one extent or another, and I feel that my gods are no better or real than any others’ - it’s all just a crutch we use to get through the day.
*I have a much looser definition of hurting yourself than others would, and don’t consider much short of permanent lasting effects as hurting ones self