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21 points

The snail is terrifying.

You get lots of wealth, but a magic snail is trying to find you. If it touches you, you die.

You cannot track or kill or permanently trap it, it is constant moving towards you.

Something like that

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13 points

Snail takes a 1.3 days to crawl a mile, 280 miles a year. With a huge amount of wealth you can just move to the otherside of the country or ocean every 6 or 7 years.

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15 points

The snail is intelligent and understands transportation.

Still take the deal?

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6 points

Can it buy a plane ticket though?

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3 points

Launch that sumbitch into space.

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8 points

I can’t permanently trap it, so I can put it in a safe that opens after like 1000 years?

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4 points

It has magic slime, when trapped it starts melting through whatever material. You are not aware of how long this takes.

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3 points

I can hire people to tell me when the safe has melted 🤔

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5 points

Sort of. It’s just “it is also as intelligent as you are, immortal, and does everything in its power to reach you. If it touches you, you die.”

Ironically, letting it out of your sight is the worst thing you can do. Because once you lose sight of it, you’ll think you’re safe… Until some random Tuesday night at 3AM, it crawls into your bed and kills you in your sleep. You don’t want to just turn tail and run. You want to keep an eye on it, so you know where it is at all times. Pay a friend (or even two friends) to collect it in a secure container like a fireproof (airtight) safe, and watch it while you sleep.

Next, you want to start working on a more secure container. After all, you’re in it for the long haul. You want something that won’t corrode over time, has no easy openings, and will be difficult for someone to (either accidentally or intentionally) crack open. Concrete is a decent choice for a core, just for its massive compressive strength. It won’t easily crush. But it WILL degrade over time, so you’ll need something else to protect it. Tungsten would be a good choice, but it’s expensive. So maybe keep the snail encased in concrete, (checking it every few days to ensure it’s still structurally sound) while you wait a few centuries for your wealth to grow. After all, you have time.

Once you have enough money, encase that shit in tungsten. You want this shit to be impermeable and permanent, so don’t skimp. At that point, you can probably let your guard down a little bit. Only check on it every year or two, at most. Maybe keep it in an empty room with quadruple motion sensor alarms, to detect if the snail manages to escape. After all, this is the future and I’m sure the tech exists (if the rest of the humans haven’t bombed themselves into oblivion yet.)

We could go farther, and assume humans are spacefaring at this point. Do you consider trying to launch it into the sun? Into a black hole? You could simply yeet it as far away from yourself as possible. But then you’re getting rid of the only thing that can actually kill you, which you may end up regretting eventually. After all, if you’re the only thing left after the heat death of the universe, you’ll probably be wishing you had kept that snail a little closer to home.

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4 points

I had heard it said that it can’t actually be destroyed, and if trapped would WOULD get out eventually. Like via its magic means, not the millennias of deterioration for the concrete to crumble

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1 point
*

I don’t know; in a scenario like that, it might just be better to keep it in a tank made of bulletproof glass so you can keep it as a pet. It’s still just a goddamn snail. It can’t actually do anything to break anything.

Maybe yeet that bitch out into deep space if it’s that much of an issue. Not too far away; just between stars. You might not be able to track the snail, but you could track the ship it’s in, so you’d always know where to find it.

That way when you do want to die, you can just go retrieve it.

Or just like, freeze it. Liquid nitrogen is pretty cheap.

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4 points

Decoy snails too

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1 point

Enough wealth to send a snail to space?

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1 point

All you did is accelerate the snail to orbital speed. It’s gonna find a way to return to earth

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1 point

The plan is to send it into the sun

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