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I dont wanna be around anymore

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ashinadash [she/her]@hexbear.net
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neurodiverse@hexbear.net
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Trying to talk to people about anything at all is like pulling fucking teeth, I hate it so much and it has not once gotten better. I think that I have probably become worse at it ever since the discovery that I have autism revealed to me that there are many given layers of meaning & social cues that I am not understanding, in literally all conversations, but looking back it was never good anyway. I was never good. I can see all of the same problems of stumbling awkward bullshit even back when I was blissfully, properly unaware that I was doing SPEAKING TO PEOPLE wrong.

I’m just fucking exhausted and I don’t want to do it anymore. Wherever I go, whoever the people from whatever walk of life, they’re all unified (gloriously) by their “oh, ew, geez” -type reaction to my existing and subsequent ability to just barely tolerate me carrying on like a particularly annoying child. What good has being social ever once done for me? Nobody ever sticks around and it’s clear they do not like me. If I do not initiate things with people 100% of the time, 24/7, and make myself 100% available to them at all times as well, they will not show any interest and will fuck off to go hang around with someone who’s not totally insufferable.

I’m lucky enough to be married & I should have just accepted that as my one victory, quit while I was ahead. No point straining myself trying to talk to other people if I already have my life partner. Trying to get to know people, talking with them, has never represented anything but stress and pain, often in retrospect when I realise I was kept around solely for humour value or because people are too polite to just tell me to get bent. I have to get rid of my desire to talk to people, as well as talk in general, because it’s absolutely disastrous for my life.

This post dedicated to marble countertop gang

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ashinadash [she/her]@hexbear.netOP
2 points

To be fair, I’m not even subbed to it! Gonna fix that.

Hey its me Literally You

I know though, right? It’s kind of fucked that we can be worlds better off than so many ND people–not that having a sensorily friendly home and food should be considered well-off–and still it’s not enough. We still exist in a largely ableist world…

I wanna stop being chemically coerced goddamnit, I am doin my best to embrace being an outsider. I mostlu stopped talking anywhere but here. It really does suck though that our societies and wider world are basically designed this way. I wonder why so many ND people are into the left-wing, commie or anarcho revolutionary type beats

Relatable in general though, and also I have something like rejection sensitivity that has me genuinely believing that even people who talk to me do not and can not like me…

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the_itsb [she/her, comrade/them]@hexbear.net
3 points

I have also stopped talking to everyone else and also have a hard time believing that anyone enjoys interacting with me or likes me ❤️ terribly sorry we have this in common.

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ashinadash [she/her]@hexbear.netOP
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Well, at least we’re not alone in feeling it? My wife feels this way too, so it’s good to know I’m not just a freak. It’s something people experience, just not something anyone ever speaks up about.

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neurodiverse

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What is Neurodivergence?

It’s ADHD, Autism, OCD, schizophrenia, anxiety, depression, bi-polar, aspd, etc etc etc etc

“neurologically atypical patterns of thought or behavior”

So, it’s very broad, if you feel like it describes you then it does as far as we’re concerned

Rules

1.) ableist language=post or comment will probably get removed (enforced case by case, some comments will be removed and restored due to complex situations). repeated use of ableist language=banned from comm and possibly site depending on severity. properly tagged posts with CW can use them for the purposes of discussing them

2.) always assume good faith when dealing with a fellow nd comrade especially due to lack of social awareness being a common symptom of neurodivergence

2.5) right to disengage is rigidly enforced. violations will get you purged from the comm. see rule 3 for explanation on appeals

3.) no talking over nd comrades about things you haven’t personally experienced as a neurotypical chapo, you will be purged. If you’re ND it is absolutely fine to give your own perspective if it conflicts with another’s, but do so with empathy and the intention to learn about each other, not prove who’s experience is valid. Appeal process is like appealing in user union but you dm the nd comrade you talked over with your appeal (so make it a good one) and then dm the mods with screenshot proof that you resolved it. fake screenies will get you banned from the site, we will confirm with the comrade you dm’d.

3.5) everyone has their own lived experiences, and to invalidate them is to post cringe. comments will be removed on a case by case basis depending on determined level of awareness and faith

4.) Interest Policing will not be tolerated in any form. Support your comrades in their joy!

Further rules to be added/ rules to be changed based on community input

RULES NOTE: For this community more than most we understand that the clarity and understandability of these rules is very important for allowing folks to feel comfortable, to that end please don’t be afraid to be outspoken about amendments and addendums to these rules, as well as any we may have missed

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