Hi all.
I’ll try and be succinct but as I’m sure you all realize that’s often easier said than done.
I don’t feel like I ever hear my fellow ADHDers discuss how negative an experience hyperfocusing can be.
First off, I never feel like I’m ‘enjoying’ myself when I hyperfocus. It feels a lot like I’m dreaming. Time moves weirdly, all my senses go askew, and it never feels like I’m in-control.
Then when the focus fades for whatever reason, I feel exhausted. I usually have a headache from the hours of intent concentration. Oftentimes I haven’t eaten, had a drink or used the toilet. As I start to come out of it I often feel quite confused and borderline hungover.
It gives me such an existential crisis. An activity is either so boring I can’t summon myself to engage with it or it’s so absolutely engrossing that it feels like the activity is partaking of me rather than the reverse.
And when I come out of it, to an extent I do feel as if I’ve been consumed. I don’t feel happy or satisfied or fulfilled. I feel tired, confused and uncomfortable.
Can anyone relate? Does anyone have any advice?
It feels like the activity is partaking of me rather than the reverse
Thanks for giving me these words to describe the feeling so well. I don’t feel interested and passionate… I feel consumed and dominated.
Now that I think about it, lots of words that describe focus have etymologies that feel appropriately sinister. Captivated, enthralled, enraptured, fascinated, bewitched, mesmerized, hooked - all related to being controlled against your will.
I forget to eat all the time due to hyper focusing. I’ll hyperfocus on an activity as a way to avoid doing a chore, and then the chore never gets done. I’ll start hyper focusing at 8pm and next time I look at the clock it’s 3am. It absolutely has drawbacks. The best way to get out of it (for me, at least) is to set an alarm (if I can remember).
I don’t like to call it hyperfocus because of this narrative that it is a “superpower”. It is still inappropriate focus. Barkley calls it “perseveration”, which seems more accurate to me. Yes I can get things done, but at the cost of an inability to observe time and by causing me to forget everything else, including food.
Medication has been wonderful but it isn’t perfect, and I find that it takes work for me not to overcorrect and lapse into too deep a state of focus.
As for exhaustion, I used to get that when I was undermedicated. At the appropriate dose, I’m fine. My “natural” state of perseveration of focus usually comes with much larger baggage (eg. blind panic at a looming deadline) so it’s hard to ascribe the exhaustion to the act of focusing.
My psychologist explained that it is hard to feel happy, satisfied, or fullfilled if you’re exhausted. Happiness required energy.
Students who have just finished a long exam are a great example. They’ve just spent hours focusing as hard as they can, and they’re all exhausted. Not many would describe themselves as happy immediately after.
Hyper focusing can use a lot of energy even though you’re not aware of it. When you finally stop, you become aware of just how little energy you have left.
My psychologist recommended mindfulness. Recognise when you’re exhausted, be aware of the causes (lack of rest, food, water…), and accept that it will take time for you to start feeling better again.
Understanding what’s happening can make the symptoms more bearable.
