Something I’ve always wondered is what kind of women were in the lives of incel men when they were young. Did they have a bad relationship with their mother? Did they lack sisters or other female family members? Or is their family situation irrelevant? Maybe some particular situation in their early years caused them to develop a complex around women?
My casual take: I’m not sure if it’s 100% upbringing but for most it seems some sense of entitlement. They deserve the pretty girl because something-something even though they might not be bringing much to the table attraction wise.
And now I just had a passing thought. We don’t seem to hear about gay incels much. Is that even a thing?
It’s deeply patriarchal in the sense that incels are a group of people that think women are obliged to give sex to men. This simply doesn’t work for gays, even though there are deeply misogynist gays who embraced patriarchal norms, and are maybe even sympathetic to incels.
So yes you are completely correct about the entitlement part. The entitlement is that men are entitled to sex from women. The something-something is the patriarchy and the bemoaning of a culture that is taking it away. Or giving women the freedom to pick and choose, because they will then only pick 'chads". Etc.
This is only half the explanation. This patriarcal culture is the old model, but also the only one. The old model has been broken, but no new model exists. There are only two solutions out of this: a new male model, but you can hardly do that alone and no one cares about it currently ; or the feminists are wrong and the old model is actually good.
It’s easy to fall in the trap of the second solution, and fascists are now making hard propaganda for it because they feast over hatred and a glorified past. Here they get to glorify an outdated culture, and to hate on a political opponent. This outdated culture is also about hating on a supposedly weak group, women. Win win for them. Hard loss for society.
I think that all patriarchal models, not just male models, are disappearing and that we’re witnessing the loss of privilege. It’s not as if feminism is creating a model to be a woman, it’s the opposite it’s the destruction of the gender model.
So, I really do not believe in the idea that men need a new model. We can just tap into our humanity and be who we are, authentically. In essence abolishing gender all together. It shouldn’t be a social factor expecting/demanding you to behave a certain way.
It’s difficult to figure out the difference between being authentic and being ideologically programmed, especially when they overlap. It’s far easier to claim that true authenticity is inherent in patriarchal ideology. And that’s why incels claim the ‘old’ model is actually good.
It’s also why it’s mostly a problem for impressionable young men who lack introspection, or at least the life experience needed for it to be useful. While the removal of patriarchal ideology they are subject to haven’t really changed, male culture and tradition stand in the way of that. So on the one hand they are fully aware of what is expected for them in the male role but on the other hand society and especially women are moving away from this expectation. Depending on social factors you deal with this discrepancy differently.
If there is something lacking it is that there are very few men who stand there with open arms to catch these young men on the feminist side. We need more men that embrace feminism and guide young men with acceptance and love. And I have a theory for why but this is getting long. (feminism lifted on the back of individualism)
We can be a person without the baggage of a gender role.
There’s no real blanket statement for this. It will always be anecdotal evidence.
My anecdotal evidence is that incels I’ve met tend to be men who were always turned away by women for being weird in one way or another. This can be never bathing, weird anime obsessions, never holding a job because they perceive themselves as above it, etc. And because of this constant spurring of them and depression or anxiety they start to blame whatever they can. They see being in a relationship with a women as what would make them happy, but women don’t want them. So it must be the women’s fault. From there they just go further and further down the rabbit hole.
All anecdotal by the way and in no way is this a blanket every incel statement.
Also: There are people who still believe women to be property. I have family like this, who are sex offenders, that still justify their actions to this day.
Pretty much boils down to women having too much autonomy, at least to my sex offender family members.
I’m sure you can guess what side of the political isle they were raised on. lmao
It’s stuff like this that makes me think all girls should be pulled aside at an early age and taught no holds barred knife fighting and then given a very sharp knife to carry visibly at all times.
Hahahaha I don’t know about that, as much as I DO agree with it.
That same family I mentioned in my last comment are the same ones who say shit like, “I WISH someone would break into my house so I can SHOOT AND KILL THEM”
I can see a world where women fight back, men kill them in “self-defense” and that is upheld by the misogynistic legal system, and the rapist murderers go free.
But again, I do agree with your sentiment.
Stop spreading bizarre, dangerous ideas like this. Weapons should be carried concealed whenever possible.
It can be, but I’ve met some decent looking guys who were incels. I think most I’ve seen tend to initially put off women because before full blown incel they already have a warped perception of women. Some I’ve seen are also just downright narcissistic. It can be a lot of different things.
… Did you just ignore their entire paragraph where they included reasons these guys have been rejected?
I think incels are a group of sufficient size that you can just state relatively is that all of the above are likely to be true to some portion of them whether that be extremely negative experiences with women such as abuse from a parental figure, they mentally don’t connect well with the women they meet and thus are unable to form meaningful relationships or they just fell into it and are on the edge and not in the deep black pill stuff but identify with the word.
https://home-affairs.ec.europa.eu/system/files/2021-08/ran_cn_incel_phenomenon_20210803_en.pdf presents three main ideas (on page 4) being
history of abuse/mental trauma, social skills deficit and/or lack of awareness/distorted boundaries.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/au/blog/finding-a-new-home/202301/new-research-on-why-incels-hate-women?amp Whereas this one (looking for the extremist and violent incel subcategory of incels) basically hits upon every possible reason from abuse to indoctrination to just active toxic masculine.
Adding this link, though it doesn’t seek to answer the “why” as much as describe the “what”
I can’t copy/paste from that soutce on mobile, but it mentions many respondents to a questionnaire indicated they lived with their parents and had either depression, anxiety, or autism (prevalance in listed order).
I don’t think, that there’s a certain type of environment, but some combinations of environments, character traits, and maybe just events in life.
What I noticed is, that incels fundamentally lack the ability to see other people as people, but more as automatons, NPCs. You manipulate levers and dials in a certain way and get a predictable result. To me, that sounds a bit autistic. Most people who have that trait in one form or another (I’d include myself), learn that this is not actually the case and humans are in fact a bit more complex.
But if you don’t learn that and then end up in a life situation, where you are sexually “underserved” (which is very likely for autistic people, ask me how I know), but desperately want love, but also don’t understand, that you’re might be the problem, I guess there’s a chance, that you could become vulnerable to that mindset.
On the other hand, there’s the loudmouths of the movement, who I personally suspect to just be socially incompetent narcissists. They can’t fathom that someone doesn’t want them, so they’ll create a narrative, why everyone else is at fault.
I’ve never met any incels in the real world. I assume it’s because like many other synthetic groupings of individual traits, they’re a minority that has worked themselves into an echo chamber which has simply gotten loud enough to be noticed by others not within that group.
I find that actually going out and interacting with people in the real world, absolves most individuals of these kind of horrendous traits. In the real world, people can call you out for your bullshit and you can’t just close the browser tab and run away from it.
I knew a guy in real life who got into men’s rights and Men Going Their Own Way nonsense- basically, he had sex so he didn’t qualify for incel, but he held a lot of the same beliefs.
I was the only woman he seemed to have any respect for. He didn’t respect his mother or younger sister, felt they had taken advantage of his dad and were now taking advantage of him. The one girlfriend I know he had, was very manipulative and not a good girlfriend.
I pointed out all the issues with his thinking and his MRA, MGOTW sources multiple times. he’d come back around to being reasonable for a while, then wander back into the toxic wilds of the internet. eventually, I gave up; I can’t be the only voice of reason you bother to listen to.
It’s interesting that he did have a sister. I always thought that growing up with a sister would make it easier for a man to understand womens’ perspectives since they literally grew up together.
