155 points
*

No, you are not. these people must’ve masturbated, hence they’re sinful.

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79 points

Or they wore mixed fabric clothing, so they’re basically satan

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51 points

Satin, you say?

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7 points

Statins

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24 points

Wait, so all this time I should have been going full denim?

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18 points

Including your underpants. And socks.

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3 points

Santa

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25 points

But you just created them. The whole of their lives they have been tied to that track the way a character is trapped in the holodeck. When have they had time to sin?

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45 points
*

According to the 20 commandments that i just made up-

drop one stone tablet

10 commandments that i just made up, thou shall not question the decision of god, hereby you’re sinned.

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13 points

Nice reference drop there.

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23 points

Even Jesus said imagining adultery is the same as committing it. They can still think, ergo they are worthy of punishment

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22 points

So… Christianity has thought crimes?

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16 points

*Suddenly, you find yourself together with the people on the tracks.*

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5 points

-embrace sweet death

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9 points

They should just repent for existing, if they can’t even do that they’re basically just asking for the train

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16 points

I sin multiple times per day but it’s ok because I always make sure to kill god first.

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12 points
*

Aren’t they from birth sinful?

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6 points

Imminent death and dismemberment is my kink

the simulation we are all trapped in resets as they now need to include a provision that no weird af kinks screw up the test

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100 points

And then when they all believe, you change the rules because you accidentally spawned to many people.

God: “I can only save some of you!”

People: “How many?”

God: “Twelve…”

People: “Twelve?!? But there are many more of us”

God: “Times 12…”

People: “144?!? But there are still many more!”

God:“… thousand.”

People “Oh lord, I’m one of those 144000, right?”

God: “Of course you are my dear”.

Other people:“…but you already saved more than 144000 before we were even born?”

God:" yeah well, just believe me OK?"

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32 points

Depends on denomination but source: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/144,000

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31 points

It’s amazing that there are so many different interpretation. Religious people have such creative imaginations.

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7 points

I’m reading a fictional book series where a character in the first few books literally becomes the new god… then the later books take place a few hundred years later, and you see how the new god laid everything out for the people, and gave them books on how to prosper and all this valuable info… and STILL these idiots ended up forming various competing religions, full of BS!

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38 points

I mean, the trolley obviously can’t fit under the bridge, so this seems like a mass murder/suicide scenario.

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18 points

The bridge will part!

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7 points

Using the power of beyblade!

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6 points

Me when I split the sea with a bayblade

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17 points

What if the trolley can shrink when going under the bridge

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33 points

What if they accept that I’m the creator of the situation but I still don’t save them as I promised?

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22 points

You have a plan, that doesn’t involve them. And it was all for good.

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29 points

No no no, doesn’t stop there.

Then you created a business, run by your most…devout… followers, they’ll manage the business.

You pay them to collect money for you, and um, teach them the ways and make sure they bring their families and friends in.

You tell them they are all horrible people who will suffer in eternity unless they worship you and thank you that they were born.

Then your managers, they meet with all your followers and shake them down tell them how important it is to fund the business.

It’s a very complex thing really being the creator of the universe and having to have people start a business to fund…um…worshiping you…

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