It’s going. I’m really tired of working in IT and I want an exit from this career field so bad. I’ve been doing this since 1995 and IT has become the bane of humanity. In the '90s we all had pie in the sky dreams about the ways we were going to make the world better with computers and programming, and it’s just turned into lots of complicated ways to take money from people.

I learn languages very easy so I’m going to go to a local community college and just start taking language classes. I can speak three languages right now, but for the next semester I’m going to go back and take Latin. That will give me a reading boost for Spanish, Italian, and French.

Will I ever do anything with it? Who knows. But I’m so tired of IT that I am almost thinking about going to the airport and working a ramp job.

This week is going great actually. I’m on a beeline for graduation this December and so I’ve mostly got my head down currently. Hoping to get admitted into grad school to keep going after this.

Some interesting things about my week: I spent most of yesterday modeling aquifers and aquifer systems. I know most people probably don’t know much about aquifers or how they work but it’s a lot more complicated than being an underground lake.

And anxiety is getting to me about graduation. Mostly because of family. Half of which do not know I’m bisexual and are pretty homophobic, so I’m thinking it won’t be worth it to have my boyfriend in attendance. Which is really rough on me. I know I should just tell them and they can pound sand if they don’t like it, but at the same time I don’t see them often and it puts my bf in an awkward spot. So he’s urging me to just let him stay home so he doesn’t have to be around that. And that’s a lot to process. I’m also inviting my dad who hasn’t talked to me since May when he found out. Who knows if he will show up.

And before anyone worries too much, I’m not like heartbroken about this. Homophobia just confuses me. All I can do is mitigate its effects but I’m always very confused why I even have to deal with it.

Let’s see … in the past week, I

• finally moved out of the hotel and into my van at long last after finding the parasitic drain on the starter batteries came in the form of an exploded (and not in a diagram sense) until-then-unknown auxiliary battery, hidden under the floor, that was keeping the whole system at 9V on account of the destroyed cell causing constant balancing by a secondary solenoid

• got a gym membership, as one needs to bathe … it’s weird walking in and hearing what I guess is hypey, “driving” beats to some, but I just turned off trance in the van, so it’s more the Kenny G of dance music

• built a very elaborate bedframe with the help and under advisement of another makerspace member, finished the wall insulation, including new bulkhead; cut and crimped everything to get the house batteries to stop being very expensive paperweights (I’m hoping to test my first device tomorrow after work), and actually organized the cargo/living area for a few blissful hours

• had a couple of pretty depressing conversations with friends; it seems we’re all resigned to the world getting worse as the only realistic direction given the breakdown in voter control of pretty much anything and the economy giving up any pretense of trying to benefit society

• leaned that laundry can be done in an hour at the laundromat instead of being the all-afternoon affair it was at the apartment … load washer, play a large kakuro, transfer to dryer, play another, fold and depart

• realized I’d had so few options for so long, being holed up in my apartment saddled with too much debt to do anything, that I don’t actually know the answer to “if you could do anything right now, what would it be?”

On day 8 out of 8 in a row at work. Got 3 days off starting tomorrow and Cities Skyline 2 to dig into.

I started to post yesterday, but I was feeling down for no discernable reason, and I couldn’t think of anything to say other than how awful I felt. Today, thankfully, I feel a lot better.

Much to my joy, my youngest (who is 20 years old) has agreed that, instead of me scrambling around looking for perfect, expensive presents for Christmas for everyone (which is pretty much exclusively my job), we’re all just going to buy stocking stuffers for each other and let each person buy their own expensive things instead of expecting me to do it for them. It just seems so ridiculous to me that I got my kids addicted to a Christmas celebration that often left me so burned out that I’d spend the week between Christmas and New Year’s in bed. We’re not even Christian, and my kids are adults, so why on earth am I still killing myself to make the day perfect for them, when they have no interest in doing the same for me? We all have similar incomes, so this seems very fair to me. I hope it will take some of the stress out of the coming season.

Finally, I’m starting to feel better on CPAP. Got a full face mask instead of those horrific nasal pillows (I don’t get how having something shoved into your nostrils is supposed to be the most comfortable option, especially when I had to tape my mouth shut to make them work at all!). I kept waking up flat on my back, when I haven’t been able to breathe while laying on my back since the mid-1990s. Checked my data using OSCAR, and have learned a whole lot. Apparently, with a CPAP and a full face mask, I can both breathe and sleep just fine on my back- last night I only spent thirteen seconds total in apnoea- and I’ve had some episodes of deep sleep that lasted more than an hour, when I couldn’t maintain deep sleep for two minutes with untreated apnoea.

This of course makes me wonder if I’ve actually had apnoea since the mid-1990s and how much damage I’ve done to my brain. At my age I doubt I will get all of it back.

I’m concerned about my eldest, who seems very dull and quiet lately. They’ve been a hardcore tech person since they were a toddler (not even exaggerating) and are now saying things like “I just leave all settings on default, it’s easier”, and not even bothering to do a search when they run into issues with things. They are behaving like my 73-year-old husband and it’s super worrying because they will be 29 next month. I wish I knew what to do to help them.

I also need to stop treating this thread like it’s my personal blog, haha.