I believe in an open internet, FOSS, privacy by default, etc. I migrated away from Google by self-hosting Nextcloud. I prefer messaging apps like Molly, SimpleX, Threema, Matrix, etc. over standard SMS. I love the Fediverse (Lemmy, Mastodon, etc.).
But everyone I live with and everyone I know simply refuses to take part. I can’t interact with them socially because they’re all on Facebook. I can’t communicate with them because they all use group texts for SMS/RCS. I feel like I’m living in a different part of the world and am completely disconnected from everything that’s going on around me (with the people I want to interact).
My question is: does anyone else experience this, and how do you reconcile it? I want to share photos and clever posts with my family but they aren’t on the Fediverse. I want to communicate securely with them but they only want to SMS. I want to share documents but they only use Google Docs.
There are people I’ve met on the Fediverse and through some secure messaging apps with whom I’ve struck up a rapport, but these are still (predominately) strangers, and I’d really like to involve the people I care about in these exciting new times. They just wont participate.
I feel like I’ve invited everyone in my family to go on a great, grand vacation away and I’m the only one who’s packed.
I feel like I’ve invited everyone in my family to go on a great, grand vacation away and I’m the only one who’s packed.
From their perspective, you’re the fringe idealist who wants to move to a strange, remote place because of nebulous political ideology they neither understand nor wish to understand. And you are proposing that they uproot all of their preexisting social connections, support infrastructure, comfort, and familiarity to come live with you out in the middle of your scary, unfamiliar dystopia. Or, at least, force them to book a redeye flight and stay at a suspect hotel every time they want to visit you.
And honestly, you really are the fringe idealist here. Look at where you are posting this. Look at how few of us there are. Look at how many hoops you needed to jump through to set up what you have now. I certainly don’t think you’re wrong to champion privacy-focused ideals, but it absolutely is, strictly speaking in a populist context, extremely weird. It is weird to want to understand computerized tech, to know what it actually does, and to make bold, against-the-grain choices based on that knowledge. This is the unfortunate reality, and you have to make your peace with it.
I really do think your option is binary here. Join 'em, or cut 'em. Once you’ve shot your shot to convince someone to be more consciencious of their privacy and to take action to better secure it, and they frustratingly decline, that’s it. They are not coming with you. Further pressing the issue will just drive a wedge between the two of you. At that point, the choice is yours. What’s stronger, your willingness to stay conected, or your principles? Are you so rigidly disciplined that you’re willling to cut ties (at least, through these channels) just to keep it? If so, I guess that’s just a reflection of how much your principles really mean to you. If not, well, it’s SMS/RCS and Google Docs for you.
Google and other companies make it extremely convenient and easy, so you don’t need to be technically inclined to use their services and everyone already uses them. Asking someone to join the Fediverse requires them to understand what it is, and deal with the learning curve; if they aren’t technically inclined, they are almost certain to refuse, and even many technically capable ones don’t care enough.
Signal is a much better compromise; private enough that it isn’t creepy to use, and easy enough that anyone who uses WhatsApp can pick up without difficulty or friction. Even then, only a small percentage of the people in my life use it. It is what it is.
You can’t force people to care. The vast majority of people never even heard of FOSS, never heard of self-hosting (or even know what hosting is), and don’t get me started on the Fediverse… Most people don’t care about privacy either; my mother for example is the “if you have nothing to hide, you have nothing to fear” type.
When you say “they refuse to take part”, it puts too much blame on people, you can’t expect people to do something that they don’t understand or care enough about. It’s like if I asked you to come with me to protest against something you’ve never heard of, but in order to understand what’s wrong with it, you need a long lecture and actually pay attention. Corporations spent hundreds of billions on making their services and products really convenient and easy, so they have to screw up really badly to get people to switch.
I don’t really blame them for not making a switch; I understand their stance/reasoning. It’s just depressing to be the one guy left out, like I don’t get to dance with anyone at the party because I don’t like the music.
I get it, but at the same time, you shouldn’t let yourself be bitter about it, or it will soil your interactions with them. Enjoy your IRL interactions with them, and send them an email next time you want to contact them, since email is probably the only ubiquitous federated platform in the world, and it is likely to remain this way for a long time.
I’m 19 yo, and I proudly announce that I have never been trapped by social media. I’m that one guy who never uses Instagram, and you can only find me through my close friends. I just don’t care about whatever they are doing. Honestly that’s something that has shaped my mental health pretty well.
For communication, it’s unfortunate that everyone uses what everyone uses. My strategy right now, is to wait. Patiently. Waiting for those big platforms to fuck up. You can’t expect anyone to go a different path instantly. Being too pushy about FOSS may disgust them, and backfire.
For example, my dad recently expressed his hate for Google Photos, so I offered him Immich, and he’s happy about it. Now I’m waiting for the opportunity for Matrix.
I’ve never been trapped by social media. I never use Instagram, and you can only find me through my close friends.
…he says, on public social media.
Lemmy counts, dude. Idk what to tell you. Just because you don’t have a follower count doesn’t mean it sucks you in any less.
Also I’m a bit skeptical that people will want to adopt the fediverse even when the big platforms DO fuck up. Look at how many people are still on Reddit. Look at how many people saw Twitter melting down in real time and, rather than try to do anything with Mastodon, said “If Elon makes me really mad, I might switch to Threads.” Human inertia is INSANE. Learning how the fediverse works is hard, and doing research to pick an instance is effort. Why would they do that when there’s a perfectly good 1 for 1 Twitter clone right there (which, as a bonus, is built by a billionaire who hates the same billionaire they hate)? And that’s assuming they can bear to leave all the followers and content they’ve amassed behind at all.
Even if that were a non issue, there’s another problem. Libre apps/platforms by and large are not, by ANY usability/feature-completeness metric, better than the competition. My dad, who’s a photographer, recently got fed up with Adobe Lightroom and tried to switch to Linux + Darktable + Rapid Photo Downloader (for ingesting SD cards). Darktable doesn’t have auto color calibration and using the manual tools takes 30 seconds per photo, and Rapid Photo Downloader worked at half the speed Lightroom did. He tried really hard to like it but within a year he ended up biting the bullet and giving Adobe more money.
My dad was one of the developers of HP UNIX. I learned vi from him. He understands the value of open source better than anyone, and he’s no stranger to having to finagle things to get them to work. Open source alternatives couldn’t keep HIM on board.
What do you think my non-technical friends are going to say when I introduce them to Matrix and tell them that there are no modern amenities like stickers, threads, or custom emoji, they have to pair devices manually to get chat logs to sync and even then they sometimes randomly don’t, and none of the mobile clients except the official one support voice calls???
I honestly do not see how we can possibly win this. Frankly, I’m having second thoughts about Matrix.
I know Lemmy counts as social media, but I can get off at any time I want, unlike some weird people camping their phones for notifications all day.
When big platforms fucked up, there are influx to the Fediverse. Yes, when comparing us to the big platforms, we are still way smaller, but people are moving. We just need to wait patiently. Our job is to announce our existence, but without being pushy about it, because no one likes being forced to do something.
I told my friends about my Matrix instance and bridges, and sent them a screenshot, and that’s it. I also told them if they want to enter the Fediverse, I’ll be their guide. Nothing so far, but I’m waiting.
I should also tell you how I got to the FOSS side of the Internet. It was boredom. I learnt about Linux from my high school teacher talking about it for 30 seconds, and that summer holiday I was bored, so I tried to mess with Linux, and now I’m here.
I believe in us.
Substitute your beliefs in FOSS etc for god, veganism, Apple, Trump, Biden, your favourite band - and realise that everyone’s on their own journey. Don’t be that guy forcing your beliefs on your friends and family. Or, like you do, find a social group that does share your beliefs. Enjoy them. Enjoy your family and friends.
What you are feeling is natural and relatable. You need to find a balance and define your threat model.
Privacy maximalism and/or FOSS maximalism etc is natural impulse when you first begin to grasp just how quietly exploitive, invasive, and commoditized the modern internet is. But it also leads to burnout and can be isolating if you are too rigid about it.
Define your threat model, and your priorities. Accept that perfection is not attainable and do the best you can. It’s less overwhelming.
My advice:
- pick ONE easy to use and well established/reputable messenger that is privacy respecting (Signal is the obvious choice in my eyes). Make it known that this is your preferred messenger (and have a short, not super technical and not super political explanation why you prefer it). Try to get the people you are closest with or communicate with most, and the people you think are most likely to be interested to start using it.
- Then, have a preferred fallback or two (basically the “least worst” mainstream option). Depending on your circle, iMessage, RCS, WhatsApp, or Telegram might be that fallback. None are anywhere near perfect but they also aren’t the worst and sometimes you have to meet people where they are.
This is really great advice, I guess the middle ground has always been a bit of a struggle for me.
This echoed for me, I’ll remember it:
Privacy maximalism and/or FOSS maximalism etc is natural impulse when you first begin to grasp just how quietly exploitive, invasive, and commoditized the modern internet is. But it also leads to burnout and can be isolating if you are too rigid about it.
