I can’t fix ugly and I’m not a billionaire so I can’t live in cities where other 20-somethings are, or pay for expensive workshops to get me jobs there.
Life is for rich, hot people and I am neither.
You can fix ugly. A nice shirt a such gets all but the most extreme cases up in acceptable range. Plenty of 30 or 40 year olds are good company. Get you a milf/dilf/tilf. Bonus they will probably tell you what shirt would look good on you and help you fix the first problem. Capitalism is a fuck though. Most people are average/below average and we all get by with each other fine.
Plenty of 30 or 40 year olds are good company. Get you a milf
I’m down, but I can’t find a way to meet one of those either.
What would you say the reason is for those guys who cant get a date for the life of them?
You’re touching upon an area that leftists (especially the vast majority of hexbears) don’t wanna touch with a 12 foot pole: male loneliness.
There are some thoughtful answers here, but most of them are your standard “be yourself and put yourself out there (there’s always fish in the sea)” crap that most people tell you.
The truth is that if you want dates/hookups/relationships whatever you need to improve your own looks and improve your game. That doesn’t guarantee anything, but you gotta do it. This means actually making your intent known, instead of “trying to be friends” first and then sneakily asking a girl out (btw she can smell this from a mile away, it’s better to be bold than sneaky). It means knowing that unless you’re super handsome or “hot” many, many women WILL reject you based on looks alone (as a result of the influence of dating apps) and dealing with it. It means developing a life that women want to be a part of. It’s more than just “having interesting hobbies” because as others in this thread have said, having hobbies alone doesn’t cut it. It’s going to be slightly different for everyone but most people can do it. It might also mean finding places where there aren’t so many men swarming around a few women (like many nightclubs these days). Interest or hobby groups may also be a good place. If you want similar politics, find a local org or something. Maybe some travel to try out different places, who knows. But there is plenty of advice out there that is concrete and actionable. Who knows what your individual path will be, but I’ll post a fantastic video from a leftist perspective on this subject below.
I’ve already posted about this but I’ll post it again, @ComradeLuz, please watch this vid: https://youtu.be/be_Ms3nVG10?si=-C2UfpC1TUPRqI33. It’s a video on this topic from a leftist perspective that actually gives concrete advice along with a solid analysis. I posted it here before (https://hexbear.net/post/613122) but it got less than 15 comments (many were mine so in actuality very few comments).
It’s very sad because if the left does nothing about it other than useless platitudes of “putting yourself out there” and “be yourself” these men WILL find their way into right-wing spaces and then it might be too late. The worst thing you want is a bunch of sexually frustrated young males not on your side. But oh well, I figure this issue will continue to be ignored…
TL;DR: Watch the next five minutes or so from this timestamp (or better yet, the whole video, IT REALLY IS THAT GOOD): https://youtu.be/be_Ms3nVG10?si=YuPWXVUSQfGspdiF (@15:58)
I found YouTube links in your comment. Here are links to the same videos on alternative frontends that protect your privacy:
Link 1:
Link 2:
This means actually making your intent known, instead of “trying to be friends” first and then sneakily asking a girl out (btw she can smell this from a mile away, it’s better to be bold than sneaky).
And for the love of god. Ditch the anime tropes. Don’t “confess your feelings” before you’re even dating. It’s charming when your in elementary, middle, and maybe even high school. But if you’re in college or a tax paying employee, drop that shit. The only time I can see where this is appropriate is when you’ve been together for a long time and just want to be romantic and reaffirm your love or want to make things official, or you’ve been friends with someone for a very long time and you both know you want each other romantically (this is a whole can of worms, but whatever).
I watched a bit of that, really good video. feels nice to hear a lot of that stuff. also, your time stamp is broken, add an ‘s’ to the end.
Personally I’m constantly overworked to the point of not even having the energy to think about the topic, and have been for years.
Probably in the minority with that though.
the joke answer is “go touch grass” but let’s be honest it’s not always because they’re incel types (though my guess is that’s usually it)
assorted thoughts:
- most people have at least mild mental health problems and that often makes it hard to connect with people in a healthy way. i fall directly and pathetically into this category myself
- fuckin capitalism profits from isolating people and dissolving community infrastructure that traditionally facilitated dating
- it’s way easier to think about how hard it is to interact with potential dates and all the things that could go wrong, than it is to think about all the times you’ve successfully interacted with humans (with dating intentions or otherwise) and it turned out fine or even fantastic. even worse, we’re wired to remember negative experiences with more detail. all my horrible awkward attempts at flirting are chiseled in fuckin marble in my memory, while the times i was normal AND lucky enough for it to be reciprocated, i barely remember in comparison. :[
t’s way easier to think about how hard it is to interact with potential dates and all the things that could go wrong, then it is to think about all the times you’ve successfully interacted with humans (with dating intentions or otherwise) and it turned out fine or even fantastic.
one reason it’s so much easier is the frequency.
and “fine” isn’t good enough when you’re looking for something deeper than the perfunctory “hey how you doing?” that our shitass society decided to make a greeting despite the fact that nobody who ever said that wants to hear the real answer.
cw: depression, self-harm thoughts.
was watching the philosphy tube live thing where she does the self-review and somebody asked “what would you tell you from five years ago?”
to which i immediately thought for myself:
it doesn’t get better, it’s not worth it. [redacted]
i’ve started using “hey there” and “heyo” specifically to avoid the wasted syllables of “howareyoufinethankshowboutyou”
at least “sup” works w/ close friends who know to just reply “sup” also :]
dating is still oriented towards getting a woman to like you over anything else, some guys just don’t have a personality and body that sells well. That’s literally it, everything else on this thread is waffling.
No it’s not. Romance is such a complicated part of human life, and it’s one of the hardest to get right if you’re struggling with it while also making you feel like a piece of shit. I haven’t had great romantic success, and I know it’s because I am a very odd person and most people just do not know how to process me, and those that do usually don’t see me as a potential partner. I’m fully aware that’s just part of my life and I’m not gonna change it, but you think it doesn’t hurt when my friends are on dates and I’m not? I am not obsessed with the issue, I have a pretty happy life overall with many meaningful relationships, but I definitely get upset when I think about how and why I’m single from time to time.
