Right now there is a loneliness epidemic throughout the world. More and more people aren’t entering relationships. Gen Z men are having significant trouble dating while there are some economic factors in the mix. From my own view and experiences combined with what I’ve read most Gen Z men are lack the social and communication skills to even enter a relationship. This has and in the future will lead to extreme issues. There’s already been a marked rise in hostility towards women by young men (think Andrew Tate and his ilk) that’s likely born out of this frustration. I would definitely say there’s been a rise in gender hostility ever since the pandemic.
Back in the 50s there was arranged marriages. All a person had to do was just show but now that’s gone because it was an unequal system and I think society missed its chance to establish something much healthier and better in its wake. Now we have people that are unable to connect with each other. We just toss people blindly into the mess that is human interaction and relationships and no one knows what to do anymore. We could be have the most fulfilling relationships humans have ever had. Think of the amount of people who would of never have entered abusive relationships had there been someone around them that showed them what love exactly is.
The way we teach is so heavily focused on teaching people how to be worker drones that we forget the human part of the person. This is why a lot of people who do extreme well in school and college fare so poorly in relationships and have higher rates of depression. We are the most educated and advanced in human history, we know psychology, we can teach this shit rather than tossing people blindly into the meat grinder.
Can we just restate this as: “A lot of society’s problems could be avoided if parents actually put in effort to parent their children” ?
It’s a cycle of madness though, how can they teach you something they’ve never been taught?
Through easy access to education, societal support, and a safety net.
There are many parents out there who were able to break the cycle of trauma and raise children in positive environments. But almost every single one of them talks about how they had the privilege of the support of friends, therapists, teachers, obs/gyn doctors, whatever, to help break the patterns
There’s a reason “It takes a village to raise a child” is an idea that is prevalent across so many cultures. The concept of the nuclear family was a tool to sell more real estate, and we are seeing the consequences of that societal shift today.
No amount of reasonable legislation can force parents to teach this stuff. Doing it through schools is infinitely easier.
It also helps provide a social standard that anyone can relate to. Seems weird to demand that parents should be the ones solely responsible to make sure their children are able to socialize properly. That just means they’re main reference for socializing is just their parents.
Considering the sheer amount of time people spend in schools during essentially all of their formative years, it’d be a terrible idea not to implement legislation that could prevent maladaptive behaviors in our populace. Schools are already affected by legislation via the Mindless Drone Initiative established by our industrial forefathers. We might as well update things to make it a Healthy Human Endeavor instead. Finger-wagging at imaginary parents is going to do fuck all by comparison.
Possibly. How about the reality that people are simply not interacting in person but online. I can’t believe this is not the first post.
Seriously go out to a bar, a music festival, volunteer, hell get drunk a few times and loosen up. In the 70, 80, 90 right up till 2000 this was every weekend. Hell it is not some work drone thing. That is an excuse. Work later in life is where you actually might meet some friends and from there have drinks after work and maybe that results in a random meeting with some ladies or men in your life.
School won’t teach this. Life skills need practice not exams.
While true, only one of those things you listed don’t require money, and tbh even volunteering is hard when you have to work 2-3 jobs to get by.
Kids and adults these days don’t have 3rd places to just relax and hang out anymore. The internet is arguably the cheapest way to hang out.
Sorry but our parents worked more than us and their parents worked more then them. Few people I know work weekends or don’t get two days a week off. Your parents worked normal 8 hours day then they went home and worked on their cars and houses and basically did another 4 hours a day doing of jobs. Their parents went one step further and built their own houses often or helped build them and grew alot of their own food.
We might work similar or more formal hours but we work far less informal hours that at any period in history. So that does not hold much water to me.
Seriously go out to a bar, a music festival, volunteer, hell get drunk
As a non-drinker I find it interesting that 2 out of these 3 things require the use of a drug. (Yes I know, you can order water at bars, but I doubt that was the point of that statement.)
Fwiw we are learning more and more that most of what makes an adult isn’t nurture at all. It’s almost all nature.
Helicopter or hands-off parenting? The choice won’t impact a kid as much as you think. August 11, 20239:23 AM
https://www.npr.org/transcripts/1193176710
Also, great parents still end up with perfectly shit children all the time.
People online just love playing the blame game on others for an individuals actions though lmfao. Poor upbringing, neglect, trauma, all of that is only one part of explaining someone’s actions. It doesn’t remove the responsibility and free will of the person commiting them lol.
https://www.npr.org/2010/07/15/128542130/sometimes-good-parents-produce-bad-kids
The influence of parenting is extremely overestimated. I think that is also a symptom of a society where people are reluctant to take on responsibility for themselves. Which is also a reason why people lack community because both (responsibility for oneself and functioning relationships) rely on introspection.
I would like to see people educated how to argue without getting personal. And how to communicate that you aren’t in a mood to argue right now, because you’re angry and wouldn’t listen.
A good start for sure would be to learn to listen and understand, not listen to answer.
I could see that being an overall skill but likely won’t result in people leaving their basements and developing some social skills.
Yes but it is only one and it is rather a minor one when it comes to socializing in a group or getting you out of the basement. Unless you are the type that immediately starts a conflict with strangers in which case you might have anger issues.
That might help people in relationships mind you and that would have some value.
- What healthy boundaries look like
- The importance of your own interests/activities/time
- How to survive limerence/infatuation without sacrificing yourself
- How to manage emotional responses without just tanking damage
- How to express anger without getting nasty/toxic
- How to recognise NPD / BPD before getting entangled
Maybe not demonizing bpd. Bpd is treatable and people with bpd already suffer a lot of stigma and psychological pain. They don’t act insane just to hurt you or because it brings them pleasure
As a person who has their BPD under control so well that my psychologist doesn’t feel fully comfortable diagnosing me with it anymore, seeing stuff about how be need to be avoided still hurts, a lot. I’ve put in the work, I’ve never missed an appointment with my current psychologist, I do my best to keep myself stable, and to not hurt others or myself, but I feel like I can never escape this diagnosis. I feel obligated to tell any romantic partners that I have BPD, only for it to be used against me. No matter what I do, I’ll always be branded by this, even if I haven’t exhibited symptoms for years. I feel like I’ll either have to lie to people, or tell them truth and walk on eggshells, afraid that any negative emotion will make them think I’m insane, abusive, or crazy. I just want to live a healthy and happy life.
Yeah, lived through the first 25 years of my life subject to rampant unchecked cluster-B abuse, and nobody even told me things weren’t meant to be that way.
I don’t give two shits about intent, the impact is the same regardless. Like an overly curious bear or something.
See it, recognise it, walk in the opposite fucking direction. And if it follows you, you scream and throw rocks.
And mention things like polyamory. I was 40 before realizing that was an option…
I would add introspection and the experience in calmly process criticism (and that doesn’t mean always take it in, depending on the source and quality it sometimes is best ignored) to it.
It’s my impression that a lot of interpersonal problems derive from one or both of the parties not being mature as adults: sure, they have the age to be adults (sometimes even seniors) but they’re don’t have the maturity.
I would change the last point to being aware of the mental health of yourself and those close to you.
Talking about mental health in general is so damn stigmatized but I think if more people were aware of how to identify your everyday mental health concerns (anxiety, depression, eating disorders, mania, OCD, etc) and spoke more openly about our issues and our treatments, we’d be able to build better social support networks.
In fact, you could probably fold a few of your points into that.
Hurt people hurt people, as they say - and that cuts both ways. Yes, you should be kind and supportive if you can, but you aren’t obliged to put yourself at risk in order to do so.
Malignant narcissists cause significant, ongoing harm to those they get their hooks into. They may have a terribly sad backstory and lead unpleasant lives, but that doesn’t help the victims any.
BPD abusers tend to be less evil-karen on the surface, but their need for ongong validation is just as intense, and they will harm people just as ruthlessly in order to maintain their supply.
I don’t think it’s unreasonable to point out some red flags to let people steer clear of that risk.
This isn’t just an issue in terms of romantic relationships, or gender-specific.
We used to all be exposed to the same media and had common points of reference and interest. It was called water cooler discussion. Unless you’re into sports, this doesn’t really exist any more.
We used to share a more common set of customs. Schools used to have etiquette/finishing classes. Was a lot of it ultimately arbitrary and made up? Of course, but we were all taught the same things, and they became a common language. You knew to take off your hat/glasses when talking to me to show a level of courtesy and respect, and I knew you were showing respect when you did that. This also worked in terms of things like knowing when to adopt a formal tone with others… many people don’t have a formal tone any more, let alone know how to use it.
Everyday life thrust us into more social interaction, too. You used to have to go to stores, talk to people. Even public transport and public spaces used to be a social experience before everyone buried themselves in their mobile phones and headphones. Now the majority of people left trying to interact with you in public are weirdos or trying to sell you something, so people assume anyone approaching you in public is a weirdo or trying to sell you something, suddenly it is taboo to even try to strike up a conversation with a stranger.
And modern outlets like social media encourage some of our worst tendencies. Everything escalates into outrage, tribal warfare, makes us really bad at self-moderation and letting things go.
The-way-things-were was never ideal for a minority of people, but the way things are is ideal for no one. I strongly believe even the innovations that are supposed to help a lot of minorities are hurting them to a degree, too. I fit into a couple of those minority categories myself, and have to force myself to go outside, to use manned checkouts, to put away my phone when outside, as while the alternatives may be easier in the short-term, in the long-term they are making me both physically and mentally less-resiliant.
Yeah, go out and meet random people. Trains are great, as everyone it out of their comfort zone and bored.
Apart from that its pretty hard, because literally staying at home on a single spot, looking in a single direction, seems so fulfilling. Its pretty crazy actually, in the 70s or so nobody would have just sat there and done nothing, even with TVs that was harder and more social.
Schools should formally teach a lot of basic life skills these days like budgeting, manners, cooking, hygiene, sex ed — because a lot of parents aren’t doing this anymore.
They used to teach these things in school. Then the boomers axed home economics programs in schools to save a little bit of tax money at the expense of future generations, as they are wont to do.
