So, I am a minor, at this point almost 100% a trans woman and I sometimes suddenly have these urges when I am with either of my parents to tell them. I know they are transphobic and most likely wouldn’t accept me, but I still get this feeling and I hate it.
I’m a cis gay man and a step father. I’m probably your parents age. I know it doesn’t mean much but I hear you, see you, and accept you. You are loved and valued. 🩷
It’s really normal to yearn for validation/acceptance of people in one’s life. It’s a kind of purgatory to wonder if the positive relationships in your life are invalidated by something that you can’t choose to be. It’s especially difficult, given the zeitgeist of anti-trans vitriol.
I’m really sorry that you have to go through this right now. Is your city large enough to have in-person resources for queer youth? Do you have any friends or family that are more open-minded? Things are 1000% easier if you have at least one person who accepts and supports you just the way you are in real life.
Sounds like occasionally you have the urge to be yourself with those around you. No shame in that. I’m sorry you can’t atm, but hey it’s not forever.
So sorry you’re going through this. I leaned into this in the past and just threw it in people’s faces because I was so done being closeted and self-hating. It felt awesome in the moment, but it didn’t go well for me.
I personally have never been able to exorcise this feeling without coming out. But since you are still dependent on your parents - is there any way to express these feelings through art or some other activity? Physical exercise and killing things in video games helps me with the rage, while art-making has occasionally helped my feelings of grief and sadness.
It’s so hard. It probably isn’t much comfort, but you’re not alone in feeling like this. You won’t always be living at home - you WILL get through this.
Sorry to hear that :( Being unable to live your authentic life is incredibly frustrating and demoralizing.
It gets easier and better as you get older and parents/other people have less control in your life.
I am quite a bit older than you, and frequently experience the opposite problem as a cis gay man. Coming out to literally everyone in life is somewhat exhausting and is why I have a slight preference for queer spaces these days.
