I’ve been zoning out in the past week and I feel like doing a lot of things on auto pilot. I don’t really want to do anything other than talk politics it seems. It probably has to do with the Dutch election results. I’ll get over it.
I’ve made some comments on popular lefty pages on instagram, under my own name, and received death threats for it lol. I don’t mind receiving death threats on reddit or lemmygrad but to receive them on a personal level was new for me.
How are you doing?
Trying hard to keep my chin up and my jaw gritted. Winter holidays feel like they get worse for my headspace every year, mix in the current geopolitical climate and the insufferability of Amerikan liberals, and it’s a wonder I haven’t outright split on anybody irl yet.
Hard to explain how I feel, it’s like I have two bodies moving in the same time, idk what it is but I don’t like it, thankfully the ceasefire happened and I can close my eyes for a while now also some girl told me “I like your hair, lady” today, which felt affirming ig
I didn’t mention it on Lemmygrad, but in one of the matrix rooms I told my friend Ayjan that I was actually crying several minutes after I read the comment ‘The Ottoman Empire did many things wrong[.] The worst was losing at Vienna[.]’ I’m not Armenian myself, but that comment actually hurt my feelings because it implied that the Armenian massacres were a ‘minor’ mistake. I thought about the awful things that the German media said about the Armenians, and the violence that the Armenians suffered reminded me of the Fascist destruction of Kufra, so I cried for about one dozen minutes. I had to calm down because I had work to do.
Today I am feeling mostly adequate… though I am still unhappy about the situation in the Middle East, and having to think about the Axis’s exterminatory ambitions gives me the creeps. I’ll say one thing, though: that antisocialist’s clueless comment inspired me to get a copy of The Holocaust and North Africa, of which I have read the first few dozen pages, and it’s satisfying to realize that I, an anti‐Zionist, understand the Shoah better than a Zionist chump does.
Empty as usual, Regretting things, still finding a job, and feeling like a sorry excuse for a marxist.
I got a new job, so balancing that with the things I’m actually interested in doing has been a process.
Other than that, I’ve been reading Our History Is the Future by Nick Estes and transcribing it onto ProleWiki. I’ve really enjoyed it so far, and I’m definitely going to read more of his works in the future.
