Being a healthy weight - as misinterpreted by shallow young people that “want dat thigh gap”.
A mindset of a few HAES morons who can’t understand that an unexcessive diet isn’t pure torture and are in denial, (willfully or not,) about what the other sex finds or should find attractive.
Go to any porn site and look at the most popular videos, they’re the body type that most people find attractive. Whereas chubby/fat fetishises are always much more niche.
Inb4: I’m not saying that we should all be unhappy unless we have pornstar quality bodies/partners, I know that they’re simply unattainable for many people and that it is a fantasy style of thinking. I’m saying that implying that people are sick in the head for being attracted to the most popular body types and trying to shame people in to accepting your unhealthy lifestyle is full on denial.
Edit: People will downvote me for “being an arsehole”, but I’m here to debate the truth of things the way I see them. Not to try the gentle/soft approach or to try being your friend. Sometimes the truth hurts.
A lot of the body types that are considered attractive at any given time in history (which varies over time) are quite unhealthy ones as well. Just think of the anorexic supermodels of the 1990s or the corsets that restricted breathing for an hourglass figure.
I’m not arguing that.
I’m arguing that guilt tripping anyone for being attracted to the most popular body types for no other reason than you not wanting to lose excess weight is silly and that simultainiously no one should be shamed for trying to achieve or maintain that attractive body type.
Fat arses at their battle stations in mom’s basement can seeth all they like. Stacy likes Chad, not your sweaty blob of a body, and no, your great personality will not make up for that.
“Thigh gap” doesn’t typically happen at a healthy weight. That’s usually a sign of being underweight.
Do people still talk about thigh gaps? I know there’s still an unhealthy obsession with being underweight, but I thought that went out of style with Kony 2012.
Chemistry and attraction.
Loads of people have habitual attraction to unhealthy relationship patterns.
Being drawn to the same kind of asshole over and over can feel like a chemical green flag, wisdom and experience show it’s a red flag and things always end the same unhappy way
All these stupid “ignore them to seem attractive because interested = unsexy”
Not being a virgin anymore? Thats something good too.
Having actively broken up a past relationship, knowing barriers.
Hanging out with friends rather than you sometimes, which is really important “relationship time management”
Not being a virgin anymore? Thats something good too.
I find it absurd that virginity or lack thereof has any bearing.
Eh.
Some people take years to learn to play guitar poorly.
Some people pick it up in a month.
Natural talent and an ability to follow directions goes a long way.
The more partners someone has had the less likely they are to stay with one.
If you’re looking for a one night stand then sure. For long term relationships though…
For sex-only relations, sure. For a full on relationship? Nah, it has no bearing. I’ve dated a virgin that was manipulative as fuck, another that has been the best partner one could ask for, and have had similar experiences with those that have had past sexual encounters.
Their sexual past or lack thereof frankly doesn’t matter. You need to look elsewhere for substantial indicators of their character and your compatibility.
I guess it feels magical to be someone’s first.
But as @otp said - experience brings knowledge of yourself and others and can make stuff more enjoyable and easier to do.
True, prior experience does bring prior knowledge of yourself, but for me, exploration has always been a key factor in a relationship, in all aspects. Like, what new memories did you make together, what unique things did you do together, etc.
Exploration of the self should be a constant thing, and while it’s certainly no bad thing to have some basics checked off, that kind of discovery should be happening in meaningful relationships whether it’s your first or your hundredth.
I don’t think I would want to date someone that was a virgin; they wouldn’t know what they actually liked or didn’t like (fantasies are significantly different from real life; the things you fantasize about may not work for you IRL), and I wouldn’t be interested in trying to guide them to a conclusion that may not align with my desires at all.
I had a partner that did all of that for me, and in the end, we weren’t aligned. She ultimately didn’t get what she wanted, because we couldn’t reach an agreement. Or, we couldn’t reach an agreement until it was too late.
Any bearing might be taking it a bit far. If we’re both in our 30s and you’ve never had a relationship grow to the place of trust where sex occurs, I’m very interested in the why. It’s not an automatic deal breaker either way, but as you age, it does communicate something about you, at least in Western cultures where sex outside of marriage is hardly taboo.
I would say it’s fair to ask why, so long as there isn’t any sort of judgement attached.
Some people simply choose not to and that’s fine. It may not be how you and I live but it’s a valid choice.
Some people don’t wanna do it before wedlock. Also a valid choice but you do need to consider if that works for you.
Some also have traumas around the subject, like if their only experience was sexual assault or rape.
If it turns out the reasons are to do with simply being undesirable for one reason or another, chances are you’ll notice those before you notice the fact they haven’t had sex.
Making life choices different from the societal standard (e.g. not wanting children or not wanting a marriage). Sure, if your own desires are incompatible with that you might need to find someone else but a lot of people who do go with the societal standard actually just do so because they never thought about alternatives and have a rather romanticized notion of that default option and might still grow to regret it later which can then often lead to breakups/divorce if that only happens to one partner in the relationship. People who make different choices at least thought about what they want. Basically you want a partner who has already thought about these and not one who only discovers their actual preferences on these options a few years into your relationship.
Being on friendly terms with past partners is another one. Or for that matter cherishing the memories of the good times with those partners. A lot of people seem to think that after a breakup you should hate your ex forever and burn all pictures, throw away any object they ever gave you,… but that is actually quite unhealthy (unless abuse or stalking or similar things were involved of course). If a relationship does not work out that doesn’t mean that other options, such as friendship, might not be on the table and even if they aren’t that doesn’t mean you can’t treat each other like regular acquaintances when you randomly meet somewhere. Obviously they might not be an option immediately after a breakup but once time has dulled the pain a bit a friendship is absolutely possible with someone you initially shared enough interests with to try a relationship.
I feel that. It may be hard to believe but the breakup was amicable. It’s just really hard to make a 7 time zone difference work, especially almost 20 years ago when video chat was not what it is today. The few times we had together I really do cherish, but it was not the right time or place. We’re now only 1 time zone apart and haven’t seen each other since her wedding, but we do still keep up with each other periodically.
It is possible to be happy for an ex and really wish them the best.
I recall someone asking “Then why did you break up if you are good buds?”.
Sometimes it’s easier being friends rather.
Exes belong to life and memories as much as anyone in any other role. No need to forget them any more or less than anyone else (painful feelings and memories are another story).
Sometimes you can take a pause after a breakup to kill feels and later come back to friendly terms.
