81 points

So the asshole who posted this claims after we die and go to heaven it’s going to be the same shit that we have right now?!

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90 points

Somebody has to mine the gold the streets are paved with.

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27 points
*

I almost spilled my coffee 🤣🤣🤣.

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28 points

Coffee is a drug, so none of that in heaven

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41 points

There is a singular authoritarian dictator. You may not disobey. The punishment for your first infraction is eternal torture.

But otherwise…yes. Getting to heaven is about winning, and you can’t be a winner without there being losers.

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15 points

you can’t be a winner without there being losers

There’s no biblical reasoning why everyone can’t go to heaven, losers are not mandatory. In fact in Christianity, “Jesus died for your sins,” so supposedly you get a free pass as long as you aren’t a big piece of shit.

It’s the Jehovah’s witnesses that think there is limited space in heaven, it’s what motivates them to convert everyone. By converting so many unbelievers, they’ll rise up the ranks and get that heaven spot for themself. The people they converted? Doomed to hell, I suppose. A sacrifice to get them into heaven.

JWs are pretty messed up.

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2 points

TIL that Watchtower Society runs christianity like a Ponzi scheme

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10 points

its in the bible jesus works 9to5 as a janitor in a clinic, and god flips burgers and delivers pizza after working hours

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68 points

Classless? Having almost everyone be forced to eternally worship one dude sounds like classes to me.

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17 points

Also, not everyone get to go to heaven. Only the “worthy”.

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8 points

And worthy is largely arbitrary and contradictory… So god is a fascist, apparently…

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4 points

I think it’s more classless as in you don’t have to pick fighter or wizard… You can just put your points in whatever skills you want and build novel characters. 🤷

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2 points

I remember hearing about Heaven when I was little and how all you would do, supposedly, is sing and praise the lord for the rest of eternity. It made me really uncomfortable. Why would I want all of my free will stripped away like that? That sounds like Hell!

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1 point

This is the bad place.

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37 points

Classless?!?! Haha, someone look up the heaven flow chart (yes really) for Mormons. 3 levels of heaven and outer darkness (hell). For those that make it to the top, congrats on being a god! You and your many wives will enjoy eternity as you crush the hopes and dreams of your own creation.

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14 points

You mean Morons right?

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6 points

Hah. It’s implied

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2 points

Username checks out

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4 points

Not exclusive to Mormons. Devine comedy dictates different levels of heaven. Enoch also states levels of heaven.

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8 points

To be honest the Divine Comedy is fanfiction and not canon

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3 points

Granted but it is held in high regard by many popes, including the current.

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2 points

Oh I was gonna say same thing!

Don’t forget that in Mormon only heaven, there are three ranks there! Also women swear to serve their husband’s.

So to be the highest rank you have to be a male priesthood holder rank 1 of celestial kingdom.

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20 points

Many believe the early church was marxist (“had all things in common”, etc).

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43 points

Or they just read what is said about Jesus in the bible? Marx didn’t invent the concept of helping the poor by sharing.

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9 points

I mean, yeah probably. Jesus was pretty clearly a socialist, though I’m not studied enough in socialism or the bible to say which version of socialist he was.

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Jesus was a communist (even if an utopian/idealist one)

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1 point

Including their women. There are little hints. Paul seems worked up about permissive sex going around, the earliest Gospel has Jesus spend a surprisingly high amount of time, for a rabbi, alone with women. James and Cephus would need a motivation to keep the failing Jerusalem church going, Mary Magedlian seems to have made enemies where she is accused of being permissive (every conservative accusation is a confession), records of lots of children of James, and a cryptic stuff about how there would be no gender in the future and no gender before Jesus. The last line was uttered by a person who told people to unquestionably follow James.

History of early Christianity makes so much sense if you just treat it like any other cult. Sex, money, power. James and Cephus didn’t have money or power so what else could it be?

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11 points

Gotta pay for your place in heaven of course.

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