even for normal people they’re not really designed with human joy in mind…but GOD it’s miserable trying to start a real thing just from cold texting
i mean look at this what the fuck am i doing. the phrase ‘pissing in the wind’ comes to mind
Dating apps don’t want people entering relationships since it doesn’t make them money.
Yeah idk I’m having 0 success with them. Women are bombarded with likes/messages and I feel like with autism there’s sure to be more charismatic ones than mine. When you get so many, there’s little reason to even engage any except the very best ones.
And on the other side, I’m a terrible judge of character, so getting bombarded by messages felt like walking into a car dealership- I knew the majority of what I heard was probably dishonesty, but I couldn’t figure out what.
I ended up exclusively looking for keywords instead of charisma, and figured I’d assess a spark in person. Thankfully my husband referenced magic the gathering, banjo, cats, and bondage (he just listed that he was a rigger, no crass jokes or sexualization), so I figured he was either casting a wide net or telling the truth about his interests.
Honestly I’d rather have your problem. I’d rather have any options at all and not knowing how good they are, than literally none. Not really clear what to do when no one even engages with you.
I do understand how you want that. I would prefer not to, though. I’m still lonely, if someone is taking advantage of me, I just don’t know it yet. I also don’t know if people expect others to be as bad as they have been in my experience.
Before I met my husband, I dated people among others who: stole my medication from me and then resold it to me, lied to me about whether they were fit to come to my country (he didn’t tell me he had paranoid schizophrenia before he left his whole support network and came to a country whose language he couldn’t speak and where he could not work), and one who murdered his mom (before we dated, but I found out during).
It took a long time to start dating again after each of those, obviously. I don’t know how I could protect myself more while still dating though. I had friends vet profiles with me and meet people sooner rather than later, but it didn’t help much.
I know how wild that sounds, but honestly I’m a relatively attractive woman with no ability to tell if someone’s trying to trick me. It’s tough, lol. I’m glad I haven’t been trafficked. I’m very excited to be in my early thirties now, because people expect me to be a better judge of character and they’re less likely to try shit. I also come off a little jaded (because I’m not dumb, I just don’t notice if people are lying)- for example, I would never try the autistic dating app, because that’s a gold mine for someone looking to trick their date. I would love to date like that, I just couldn’t trust it.
All that said, men are obviously dangerously lonely, and I understand that it’s a real, serious problem. I’m sorry you’re in that situation, it sounds awful.
(Advice if you want it, though no offense taken if you don’t want it from me 😅) Do you have close female family members (around your age) or friends (male friends’ SOs count)? I second having a woman go through your profile and picture options. Or even the autistic dating app, because not everyone is as suspicious of it as I am and you’re in a less statistically vulnerable position (though if you’re rich, maybe don’t make that clear?).
I haven’t been on one of these in a very long time but when I was regularly using them I just treated every encounter like an experiment to see what might get a response. Nothing bad or crass but ranging from lighthearted, funny, etc, etc. anyways, it helped me get a better feel for how to do an opener and made further conversation a lot easier for me too.
I don’t think you did bad. You provided a genuine compliment and a decent conversation starter
I didn’t bother. I took my horny outside and used it as motivation to talk to girls and make friends. I would not have the people skills I do today if I wasn’t so horny.
I recommend Hiki. A dating/friendship app for us autistic folks. Has a matching feature and a community tab which is more like social media. The community tab has been important at building connections for me, jumping straight into texts is strange for me, so engaging with people and getting to know them through what people post has been far better for me.
