A common trope I see in atheist circles are people (often claiming to be atheists themselves, and I’m sure many genuinely are) going around chiding other atheists for being mean, rude, or otherwise disrespectful to believers. It’s counterproductive! It doesn’t work! It paints us in a bad light!

Often enough, these criticisms are an example of concern trolling, someone telling us what to do because they don’t agree with what we’re trying to do. Greta Christina correctly pointed out that when they do us, they’re trying to get us to lay down the weapons we use to fight back against what’s done to us. They’re trying to get us to surrender our power.

Atheists are often caustic, sarcastic, and generally unpleasant with believers. I built up quite a reputation for snark in my days on reddit, and I have no doubt I’ll continue that tradition on lemmy. Why is that? Because reciprocity is a fundamental aspect of morality. We give back what we get, and in places like the US atheists are not treated very well. So a lot of atheists will either hide or they’ll fight back. Personally, I switch between them depending on my mood and circumstances. I also observe that for centuries, atheists did their best to stay quiet and get along without any reduction in the abuse they received. This quote comes from Madalyn Murray O’Hair, the founder of American Atheists:

I’ll tell you what you did with Atheists for about 1500 years. You outlawed them from the universities or any teaching careers, besmirched their reputations, banned or burned their books or their writings of any kind, drove them into exile, humiliated them, seized their properties, arrested them for blasphemy. You dehumanised them with beatings and exquisite torture, gouged out their eyes, slit their tongues, stretched, crushed, or broke their limbs, tore off their breasts if they were women, crushed their scrotums if they were men, imprisoned them, stabbed them, disembowelled them, hanged them, burnt them alive.

And you have nerve enough to complain to me that I laugh at you.

So what’s the point in being a dick to believers? It can have more utility than people realize. Sometimes being a dick to dickish people helps contain them. Sometimes there’s utility in tactical dickishness. This is a problem that needs to be attacked from multiple different angles, not just the one that you think best.

I think Daniel Dennett said it best:

I listen to all these complaints about rudeness and intemperateness, and the opinion that I come to is that there is no polite way of asking somebody: have you considered the possibility that your entire life has been devoted to a delusion? But that’s a good question to ask. Of course we should ask that question and of course it’s going to offend people. Tough.

15 points

I believe that most atheists will leave believers be until they try to preach to them. Personally I don’t mind believers believing in anything they want to. But I will react when they try to convince me or others about their beliefs

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8 points

Exactly this. If you don’t want to criticize your beliefs, don’t try to make them my business. Otherwise you may not like how I respond.

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11 points

I try to be respectful of others’ beliefs until they

  • try to make them law
  • try to convert me
  • try to use their book to control my behavior through guilt, etc
  • make truth claims about reality

at that point they are begging for pushback.

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1 point

I’m not respectful of others’ beliefs when they’re idiotic.

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1 point

By respectful I mean something like not going out of my way to antagonize them, or keeping my opinion to myself. I might find holding prayer beads or collecting Pokemon doodads or playing disc golf idiotic1 but I don’t walk over and start criticizing their practice.

If they ask me to participate I will decline. If they ask me why I will give my opinion.


1 made up examples

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8 points

I’m not interested in unconverting believers, but neither am I interested in enabling or endorsing their beliefs. While I’m not interested in participating in their rituals either, I will go to weddings and funerals.

That said, there’s a piece of my mind that wonders how anyone with average intelligence or better can possibly believe in this fantasy BS. It just makes no sense to me.

So when I’m faced with someone who’s deeply religious, the only way I can reconcile it in my head is to assume that they’re cognitively challenged.

And I really don’t have a lot of patience with idiots. I suppose I’m not very good at hiding this.

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5 points

It’s a social norm. Many practicing catholics I know don’t actually believe the bullshit. But church is where they met their wives. It’s where their children make friends. It’s where they sing in a choir or play in a band. It’s part of their social circle.

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6 points

That was always my take: a social club with some weird shit grandfathered in.

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6 points

And honestly, the weird shit is fascinating. Viewing Christian, and especially Catholic/Orthodox rituals through the lens of traditional, well, spell casting I guess, really makes it deeply interesting behaviour. Here are rituals that possibly pre-date Christianity itself, living today, thousands of years later.

If it wasn’t for all of the psychological abuse, the child abuse, and the freely wielded political power, it’d be a fun little twee cultural artifact.

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7 points

If you went to Catholic school, you know believing in God did not make the staff nice and happy at all.

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6 points

It’s just that talking to Christians is depressing as fuck.

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