I have three with one on the way. It’s a constant struggle to keep the place livable. Before I had children I was not a neat person and kept things livable by not doing things that made mess and staying out as much as possible. Can’t do that with kids, so what’s the trick?
That’s the neat part, you don’t. I have three kids myself and have to act like a drill instructor at times. Food and toys are the biggest issues for me.
- I have to set rules and stay on their asses constantly, even then it’s a struggle. Biggest one is kids must eat at the dinner table, no exceptions, they’re just terrible with food and can’t be trusted.
- I’ve tried to mostly lay out my furniture such that nothing is against the walls. Kids love throwing shit behind stuff where you’ll never see it. Leaving a buffer space from the walls at least makes it easier to spot.
- Check underneath stuff often, they like sneaking food and hiding it, where it will rot and get gross.
- Telling them to clean up themselves gives mixed results, but we still try to do it often to make it a learned behavior. My sons don’t like cleaning and do a piss-poor job of it, my daughter actually likes cleaning/organizing and helps out.
- I have a bunch of storage bench/seats around for loose toys, so no matter which room we’re in, toys have a place to go, plus you can sit on them when they’re closed. We don’t have a basement, so I had to adjust to not being able just toss stuff in a basement.
- Kids can spot hypocrisy. Keep your own bedroom clean before you expect them to keep themselves clean. Lead by example.
- Once a year or so, throw out or donate old toys that nobody plays with. That stuff builds up and it’s just cluttering your house.
Hahaha lol. You can’t. Just accept that your house will never be tidy again. As my father-in-law told me, “the first fifty years are the worst”.
We had a joint bday for my three year old and his friend who are three days apart. The absolute fucking chaos that was my house afterward, it was too much to handle. Clean the perishables, but just the mountain of toys, literally every toy we had, strewn about, that became a tomorrow problem. Especially because we did the family birthday the next day. Tough weekend. But the kids have fun and what the hell else am I doing.
The only way we’ve kept our place livable is to get the kids to clean at an early age. If they can get a toy out, they can put it back. We started out doing most of it alongside them and giving lots of praise for every toy they move in the right direction. Then half of it alongside them while encouraging them. Now we have little helpers who will put piles of books and toys away to watch a movie, and routines of clearing the living room floor before dinner. Things aren’t spotless, their play room is more piles of sorted toys than really clean and cleared, but the place is livable.
This is totally it, making sure your kids know how to clean up is #1, and then tying the work to positive reinforcement, eg “You can play video games after all the Legos are picked up,” or “We can watch TV after you put away your laundry.” The key is consistency and follow through. If you don’t follow through, your kids aren’t going to either.
Also key is applying these rules dispassionately. No matter how your kids emotionally react to a rule imposition, you remain calm. If you react with anger, frustration, or irritation, you risk throwing everything off course
Short answer: we don’t.
Long answer: clean up your shit, or your friend will not come over / your allowance this month will be going to my pocket. Do you want to eat? Help clean out the kitchen/dining table. I did place their plate of dinner food over the one from lunch that they didn’t put away. They didn’t like that.
It also varies a lot from kid to kid in my family. One of them is a crafter and a hoarder. Carton boxes, glue, scissors, pieces of paper, colored beads all over the room. Once in a while I tell her to clean up, and anything she doesn’t, I will scoop up and throw away. Her sister has a spotless room… nothing to complain about. Their brother, every couple of days he will have a new videogame ask, or a new Minecraft server I should set up for him and his friends… Again, I will do so, when I see all the cans, plates of food and clothes on the floor put away.
I second this. We have a very similar situation. I will note that I’ve begun using a “carrot” approach as well as the stick. I now keep relatively cheap and fun crafts and electronics around. Cleaning a room and helping out will earn them a fun craft and that seems to work REALLY well lately. If you know how to solder you can buy a bunch of cheap but fun kits that you can do with them and reward them with as prizes. Today’s (if they are compliant and helpful) is an FM radio. I do bigger ones if they do more, and I expect more on a weekend.
Best rule is to tell them toys that are left out are in timeout for a predetermined amount of time. Not necessarily forever. But not necessarily not forever if it continues to be a problem. Have a place for things that everyone is aware of and have them work together to do a sweep every night or morning before the games begin.
This way there is cooperation and accountabillity. Do not give in when it has to be enforced
