26 points

Fossil fuel companies: “Time to increase lobbying budget by 5%”

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20 points
13 points

“It’s your fault for not stopping our abuse of the environment”

Yeah that checks out

What a bunch of pieces of shit

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2 points

“Stop hitting yourself, stop hitting yourself!”

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5 points

Think we found our first contestant on “Will this rich persons head fit onto this pointy spike?”

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20 points

That was actually the coolest year of the rest of your life.

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5 points

Let’s wait and see. Northern Europe might get mighty chilly.

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10 points

2024 is like “bitch, please, it’s clear I’m the hottest thing ever”

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5 points

This is the best summary I could come up with:


The report found temperatures near the surface of the earth were 1.45C higher last year than they were in the late 1800s, when people began to destroy nature at an industrial scale and burn large amounts of coal, oil and gas.

The amount of renewable capacity added in 2023 was almost 50% greater than the year before, the report found, bringing it to the highest rate observed in the past two decades.

Simon Lewis, professor of global change science at University College London, said the state of the climate is an “accelerating crisis” for humanity.

“This is, sadly, only the beginning of much worse impacts to come, given carbon emissions are still rising and there is continued massive new investment in extracting fossil fuels.”

The report found that marine heatwaves seared one third of the world’s ocean on an average day in 2023, harming vital ecosystems and food systems.

Climate change also worsened extreme weather events that left people hungry and forced them from their homes, even if it was not the main factor in their suffering.


The original article contains 674 words, the summary contains 177 words. Saved 74%. I’m a bot and I’m open source!

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