(Or, hell, another nation while I’m dreaming 😅 :-\ ) Walls of backstory (possible to make a cross-instance link? Doesn’t seem so): https://pawb.social/post/8062162 https://pawb.social/comment/7374899
Short backstory: Broken critter, 34 Earth-around-Sol-goings old, probably agoraphobic (as in fear-of-crossing-thresholds, not fear-of-public-spaces) and AuADHD. Stuck living with “family” but now they’re abusive and near-violent. Called cops on me, tried to throw me out with nothing miles from the nearest town, threatened to cut off my Internet access as if keeping me from working out how to leave is the best way to make me leave. Hatefool logic stuff 🙄, bullies both.
This-post story: Is there anycritter who can
-Pick me up when I figure out where to go and/or give me/point me at a safe place to stay (am currently in northeastern Oklahoma, outside of a little town about forty minutes from Tulsa), or
-Help paw-holdguide me through figuring out how to settle in somewhere safer, even a decent* roommate who can maybe help me find the best places to go/be/work/eat/live/etc.?, or
-Just straight-up flee somewhere with me and help work stuff out together? Weird scary idea, sure, but… whatever I guess. Not as scary to me as going it alone, I think maybe. May be able to help financially, even. Probably ridiculous to even think any of this but it’s a nice dream to just hop on a bus/plane/silt strider and piss off with somecritter to greener pastures 🤷 …Presumably flipping every single bird at where we came from.
If not that, some advice on how much things even cost could be really useful. What does it cost to move these days? In time and US Dollars, particularly. And phone calls. Those are terrifying. Anyway Idunno what kind of budget to expect beyond single, discrete things. $100-350 bus fare to Minneapolis, $150-400 air fare depending on when. $60ish per night for a cheap hotel room near here, plus a $100-200(?) deposit I may not get back that apparently isn’t mentioned very upfrontly. Those I can just look up but getting a full mental picture of like, a 25-hour bus trip including food/drinks, the bus fare itself, stuff I’ve not even thought of yet…??? I’d prefer to fly if I can, but then maybe I need a hotel somewhere because of a cancelled flight, and either spend twice as much on the ticket or have to find somewhere to stay for a bit over two weeks, and cab fare to get to the hotel if I need one (or more!), and… ugh!
PS: Sorry this is all really weird and maybe creepy. I’m really weird so maybe it’s not unfair to be upfront about that 😅 but also I’m “a little” unsettled by this mess so I’m just kinda blurting things out hoping something makes sense and maybe helps :-\
*“Decent” in terms of interpersonal respect and whatnot, not like… “not weird” or something. Certainly not the video game, that’s Descent.
Update 27th March, 03:36 CDT/08:36 UTC
Just gonna talk to myself for a sec, I guess. Probably nocritter else up at this hour. 😓 Welcome to my diary! Or rather, you now are my diary. Congrats! It’s an odd role. So, every day’s a hell of a trip, and not a fun one. Hours of bad followed by struggle. Just now finally got around to doing some work. Bets on whether I make it? 🤷 Helps to talk…don’t wanna drag anycritter down 🤷 Bleegh. Anyway, turns out stuff is big and space for packing stuff is not. Gotta figure out how much I can handle carting around, maybe see if I can find (and get) my carry-on luggage-thingle. Easiest just to cram what I can into a backpack and big-luggage I guess. Already have a couple of each in here. Was using them as catchalls <.< What goes, what stays… ugh. Very ugh. Triple hyper ugh! And the checked luggage fees… damn. Hurts being alone, in every way. Chatting yesterdayish was nice, just sad and quiet now. Am just crying out loud I guess 🤷
Could still really use:
- Somewhere to stay: for a week or a day (or until mid-next month when air fare’s better, but who’s wishing for miracles? Oh, it’s me.)
- Somewhere to go: could be somecritter’s weird wiggly
wroommate 🤷 Else maybe advice on where to look for an apartment. Idunno if “cheap and walkable” is a thing that exists but Idunno how the hell I’m gonna be able to get around 🤷 Currently just assuming I’m going to Minneapolis. No freaking clue what to do after that beyond looking for a box to hide in and snatching up like, a bowl and something cheap and edible to put into it. … What a ridiculous “princess experiences real life” movie I’ve got going on here 🤦♀️ Anyone want a weird ugly pet to take care of 😅 - Maybe even just some company? At this point even a voice call sounds great. Fair warning: might just cry the whole time. Am already doing that, in fact.
- I still wish somecritter would just come rescue me but I totally didn’t say that 'cause it’s scary I guess 🤷 😶🌫️
Will even accept cis people! Only asked here because I’m a little bit familiar around here and can’t bring myself to ask anywhere else.
Also, how does one get, say, a bunch of groceries from a shop to a home without a car to store it in? Just haul a bag or two at a time, make multiple trips if needed? Seems like that’d get unwieldy and dangerous really fast, even with like, only two bags but there are cans in there so they can’t both be in one hand so like… 🙀 Kindof a shower thought I guess. Still hoping to get one of those today. 💡 Oyeah, maybe use the rolly luggage thingle.
Okay, it’s been like an hour and a half just… rambling another wall of crap. I hope somecritter can like, study all’ this or something. Maybe I can play a part in advancing Brokenology (scientific study of broken things).
Update 28th March, 04:50 CDT
Just booked the flight. I’ve been looking at things, bus routes, shelters, apartments, hotels. Feels like I’m kidding the hell out of myself thinking I can do this at all. I should just quit. It’ll be harder if I leave. I’ll get there and I’ll have no one and nothing but a big bag of crap someone’s going to want to take. I can’t do this. Why the fuck would I think I can do this? It’s gonna be dozens of calls and days of wandering the city bleeding funds and maybe literally bleeding just to find out how fucked I am. I’m not built for this hell-world. I can barely handle getting a Discord call from someone I like, how am I gonna survive creating a life from nothing in a new city when there are people who’ve been there their whole lives, who aren’t as broken as I am, who still rely on shelters and soup kitchens? I’ll just die a slow, cold death instead of a quick painless one I can have here.
I’m sorry, I know no one wants this crap around. I just feel so damn lost, and like everything’s set up so well to make sure I can’t possibly be okay, ever.
Can’t just buy a place to stay, even if I can afford it. Could get a hotel for like a week, then be totally fucked. Who’s gonna hire me? Maybe somewhere truly horrific. And I’ll struggle like hell to even apply. Why even try 😭 This is stupid, I’m just throwing my idiot self at a “nicer place” like it’s gonna save me.
Managed to schedule a Lyft for Friday morning, to get me to the airport. I just feel really sick. Maybe I’ll get a fascist driver who’ll just shoot me and dump my corpse in the river. Probably a better fate than what I’ll get trying to live a dream, like a total shithead. Ugh.
Nobody’s even gonna show, I’ll have to freaking scramble up an Uber, then when that falls through just go fuck myself trying to dream up a cab company that’ll come out here. FML.
I made a slightly farther similar trek in July to the twin cities, even though I had no job here or family.
Its taken me this long, but I’m just about to get an apartment of my own, meaning I’ve been in my car the whole time. Its been sooooo worth it, and frankly I’d be dead if I didn’t decide to leave the shithole that is Texas.
I wish I knew a place to help you out, but I may be able to help with resources (guess who has free healthcare and gets E injections 😁). Feel free to reach out to me. MN is more hospitable and seems to welcome everyone for the most part.
How does MN compare in terms of cost of living to some other “escape states”? West coast is going to be expensive (theyre kinda famous for it), not sure how Chicago and MN sit.
Costs are kinda over-inflated in my part of Ohio (I think landlords finally figured put they can milk the DoD for a lot of money in rent, huuuuuge military/veteran population)
It feels only slightly higher for my standard of living. And back in texas, I had no healthcare, any public services I tried to use (if they even existed) throughout my time as an adult were slow as fuck and not a soul treated me as a woman.
Fortunately, I’ve not had to stay in a shelter since arriving here, but if I did, I could go to the women’s shelter, and supposedly if any staff took issue with that they would not be staff for much longer. Unfortunately, I’ve only just now made real progress on plans to get myself into an apartment, so my experience is limited.
Gas is slightly more if you get it in the burbs, much more in the cities proper, but thats the case in Texas and Oklahoma too. Basic groceries are about the same pricing.
If you have a nicotine dependence, be prepared to pay a bit more than you might be used to.
Thats about all I can think of, sorry I don’t have more info.
Thankfully no dependencies or addictions on my end except food, I’m a foodie and eat more than I should. I do like access to international food ingredients though, and I will absolutely miss having Jungle Jims so close (HUUUUUUGE crazy and weird international grocery store in Cincinnati) when I eventually leave.
I’m not the person you replied to, but I’ve lived in MN my whole life. I can say that we are definitely cheaper than the West Coast, not sure how we compare to Chicago. I did quickly check rent prices in both Minnesota and Illinois, both have a decent amount of apartments available in the $500 to $750 range but Illinois has more available, although they also have twice as many people living there. If you have any other questions I’d love to answer them.
Oh wow, that sounds nice. I’m paying around 1250 a month (this includes water/trash) for a pretty rundown old 2bd apartment with the some of the worst water hardness in the state (Calcium, not iron. my shower head screams, I’ve had it taken off and cleaned out but it only lasts about a week). Only saving grace is its way back in a suburban neighborhood, off the main road, with easy/close highway access
I really wish I could help you out with a place to stay, but I’m currently a broke college student. I do live in Minnesota so if you have any questions I’d love to answer them.
I also may be able to guide you a bit. I live in a more rural area but I’m still somewhat familiar with the cities.
Hi, it’s me again.
I just found this HUGE doc chalk-full of LGBT-focused resources for Minneapolis. There’s a whole section on shelters and transitional housing, also stuff like food pantries. I wish I had found this sooner.
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1-1Z7KYtcjrxwvMOy3Luwt6ICnCpt5sgNTrYGPZtW_yk/edit
Also, have you decided on travel plans yet? It’s not likely there’s gonna be someone on here who can drive you from rural NE OK to the airport (I’m assuming you want to fly out of Tulsa, right?) because not many people, especially trans/queer people live around there and they are less likely to know of this specific community. Maybe you could post around on reddit and stuff, but I’d be safer (and easier, logistically speaking) if you made taxi/rideshare arrangements with the money you have.
P.s. Do you prefer to be called Keris or Riikka?
I’d found that list elsewhere (through MN Transplant, I think) but thanks.
I guess I’m just hoping for magic to happen so somecritter swoops in and saves me from having to do this alone. Maybe more likely my “family” successfully killed me by dragging me out here ages ago and my body’s just not caught up yet.
I keep smiling a little when people call me “Keris” so I think I like that one. Hard to know anything latelish.
The light at the end of this tunnel is not, in fact, a train! The other side of a plane ride is gonna feel like some kinda lucid dream till the brain decides its reality 🫠
I hope you get the best night’s sleep once you’re through the hard part of the trip, Keris! Or during! Idk how long oklahoma to Minnesota is by plane, last plane ride I had was trans atlantic
[ramble] I feel like there is a train and I just can’t move. Not sure I’ve stopped shaking in days. Sometimes I’m sure I’m just not mentally capable of going through with all’ this, or of even living in this world. The hopeful, adventurous times just don’t last very long and aren’t very strong. I’m almost reasonably sure I can make the flight happen but it’s just impossible to account for anything and I just don’t have time :( If even one thing goes wrong… feels like walking into a minefield, I just balk and fall apart even thinking about it. I can try to tell myself that even being homeless there is probably better than “living” in this awful box but my mental fuckups don’t care about any kind of logic :-\ There are tons of logical fears, of course. What if I can’t get to my money, what if some phobic prick overcharges me somewhere, what if I can’t use this card like I need to, what if I got added to a no-fly list because I share a birthday with somebody who has dark skin…
Ugh. If I just had more time and less stress, I could make a real plan. I really can’t manage more than a couple/few hours of trying per night (and day is complete nope) sooo… welp. If I had somecritter with me, I could make a plan or follow one. If I had stronger meds I could maybe cut through whatever phobia thing I have… But I’m given only a few more days, can’t reasonably go anywhere to get meds (nor to get more time/less stress! Rrgh this feels so solvable, just not for me) even if I contact my doc, and if there’s anyone around who might help me I’ll never find them or I’m just too pathetic to bother with. Hard to imagine it’s not the latter, honestly. I guess someone capable of surviving this world would’ve been gone by now. [/ramble] (Sorry, I just… spewing is almost all I can do any more :( )
You’re wonderful, though. Thanks much for sticking around and saying things at me and helping and stuff <3 You and cowboycrustation and the other critters too. Is a good place here :-\ Flight between Tulsa and Detroitish is something like 45 minutes, so I’d guess it’s a vaguely similar time to Minneapolis. Now, if I could get them to just circumnavigate Earth once or twice on the way instead… I’d have time to figure some more things out. And relax a little. 😮💨
Keris how are you doing? First and foremost, remember to breathe whenever you feel panicked or shaky. 4 seconds in, 8 seconds out, repeat it at least a few times. Give this whole thing your best shot.
It’s normal to feel very scared at a big change like this, and I can tell that you not everything’s going to go perfectly. Still, at some point in the future you will look back and say that leaving the abusive situation and finding a better group of people, were the best decisions you’ve ever made. In order to be able to say that you’ve got to not give up hope through the worst of it. Cheering for you. If you somehow will find yourself in Vancouver BC lmk.
I’m really rooting for you! I live in Chicago, it’s pricey but accepting for the most part.
