Electronic rectangle with endless content. Engineered mix of rage-bait, cuteness, and fake news will have your hairless ape coming back for more again and again! 9/10 human veterinarians recommend! Guarantee reduced existential dread or your money back.
Heroin - safer than fentanyl and sure to keep your human from ever running away.
“When my little Bobby is a bit too active and needs to calm down, I chose heroin each time, every time.”
“Heroin: Xorglob tested, human approved.”
It’s alarming how frequently my vet prescribes benzos for my dog. He’s a reactive dog sure but he’s not overly anxious. Part of me thinks that it’s the vet trying to make one more sale sometimes.
This reminds me of a text I read on a veterinarian website the other day, “Sterilizing your cat is good for them because then they don’t have to go through heat all the time.” I imagined this text on a hospitals website and the shitstorm it would bring.
Three product lines of tasty fatty and salty foods that will be thoroughly enjoyed by your pet while at the same time staving off heart disease, diabetes or excessive weight gain. Perfectly formulated to help maintain the health of your pet to ensure a long healthy maximum lifespan. The food is also mixed with a special formula of perfectly balanced simulants, antidepressants, methamphetamines, anti-psychotic and microdoses of LSD and other hallucinogenics.
Product one has minimum levels of mind stimulating drugs to keep your pet happy on a regular basis.
Product two has increased doses to sedate and calm your pet when it is feeling depressed, isolated or stressed.
Product three has increased levels of addictive substances such as methamphetamines in order to be used as a control method to train your pet properly. These can used as treats in order to manipulate your pet into learning specific activities.
